ICCmofos

Darfurian Refugees

2007-07-26T08:10:00.001Z

Its odd seeing thin, black, subsaharan africans in Tel Aviv. They are simply out of place in a country dominated by european looking faces. Despite feeling a world a way, the civil war in Darfur has direct implications for this country. Darfurian refugees sneak into egypt and then find their way across the sinai to the negev dessert, where they attempt to enter israel. The egyptian border guards - under pressure to protect the border from militants smuggling bombs, weapons, etc - have already been accused of shooting and killing sudanese refugees trying to sneak into israel. Once in Israel, the refugees need to lay low for 24 hours. If apprehended within the first 24 hours, international law dictates that they can be sent back to their point of entry (ie egypt). IF they can avoid being apprehended for the first 24 hour period they will stay in israel. The "lucky" ones will be arrested and put in jail. And there they will languish ad infinitum. They cannot be repartriated or deported because they have no passports. They can not obtain new passports because Sudan doesn't recognize israel hence they have no consular protection. Their home country which sees them as triators seeking refuge in an enemy state, says "good ridence". Israel of course, plays this game as well: despite having committed no crime, and despite fleeing a genocide, and despite being no threat in any way to the country and despite simply needing basic humanitarian aid, israel locks them up. And those are the lucky ones. The unlucky darfurian refugees are coralled by the police and summarily dumped somewhere: like Be'ersheba, or some outskrits of jerusalem. They cannot eat, they cannot work, thay have inadequate shelter. Some grass roots organizations have sprouted up in a bid to house and employ the refugees in kibutzim, but its all too little.

Monthly entry

2007-07-17T09:53:00.001Z

Part of my once-a-month blog recalcitrance can be squarely laid on my inability (due to lack of motivation) to post the photos of my trip to Jordan. I have been telling myself that my next blog would be this beautiful photo album showing pictures of lnglost land: petra, camels, sheesha, and desert. Since I have essentially failed in my duties to provide a descriptive account of life in the holy land for the past month, Ill try and summarize.

Politically speaking the notable quiet with respect to the palestinians should not be interpretted as lull in political activity at home. For one, Israel now has a new president: the vetran labor leader turned kadima deputy PM Shimon Peres. His resume includes being PM twice (once in the 90s once in the 80s), and countless posts as Defense Ministser and leader of the opposition. But his tenure wasnt greeted with the fanfare it deserved, mostly due to the bad taste israelis have in their mouth from Katsav's, Peres' predesessor, resignation. As mentioned here a few posts earlier, Katsav resigned amidst acusations of rape. Recently the Attorney General (who had been, up untill now, respected as an Eliot Ness character) struck a plea bargain with him wherein the rape charges were dropped and he admitted to harassment (turning the image of the AG into something of a quisling). Womens groups and the israeli street were up in arms over the fact that a rapist would walk free, without even spending a day in prison.

Lyke Wake Walk - Training!

2007-06-19T21:40:00.000Z

I finally did some belated training for Friday's Lyke Wake Walk! There are some details and photos of Greg, Nozbo and I over at my web page.

Homus and Feta

2007-06-19T08:42:00.001Z

Sometimes this online journal of mine gets ignored, and just like the Homus and Feta in my fridge, when left alone for too long new cultures start to form. And so it is in the middle east. The political landscape in the occupied territories and israel has vehemently changed - probably for the worse. The tit-for-tat attacks between Hamas and Fatah culminated in an out-right mini civil war. Fatah, the party of the palestinian uniter Yasser Arafat has been vanquished from the gaza strip and Hamas, the islamist caliphate seeking movement has been expelled from the west bank. Not since the 1964 formation of the PLO - an organization meant to serve as an umbrella group uniting all armed palestinian factions in their aimto destroy Israel - has the palestinian cause been so divided. Now, in effect, there are two "occupied territories": one in the West Bank and one in Gaza. The poor people in Gaza, who already live in penury and amidst dialy violence perpetrated by Israel as well as the multplicity of armed gangs, will undoutedly suffer even more as the all the PA money is invested in the West Bank. My prediction for the future is one where west bank arabs obtain more and more autonomy, public services and quality of life, while their bretheren in Gaza starve. Eventually Hamas will lose control in Gaza and the strip will become dominated by the many tribal families which already exert considerable influence. This division may harden to the point that Israel might even be able to make peace with fatah in the west bank but not with the gazans.

Added to this crisis is another one brewing to the north. As the weak Lebanese government struggles to eradicate (albeit unsuccessfully) militant palestinian gunmen in the north of the country, the south of Lebanon is still controlled by enlarge by Hizbullah. Yesterday saw the unwelcome development of 2 rockets being fired from Lebanon into Israel in an unprovoked attack reminscent of the trigger of last summer's war. Hizbullah has denied commiting the violation of the ceasefire signed last August, and the blame for yesterday's attack has been laid on "unnamed" palestinian groups (ie the Al-Fatah, the group fighting the Lebanese army in the north). This pundit is not fully convinced of Hizbullah's innocence. But regardless of who actually perpetrated the attack, the attack itself is inidcative of how hot the tensions are running and how lawless Lebanon is. PM Olmert is able to sit back and say "we will not be dragged into another war with Lebanon" now, but if more rockets fall on Israel the public will demand a response. The defense minister during the last war (Peretz) is gone (after admitting failure in last year's war) and has been replaced by former PM Ehud Barak who commands significantly more respect in military circles. (Note that Barak was the PM who withdrew from Lebanon in 2003. It would be typical of middle-eastern political irony if he were charged with re-invading the country).

The only way out of this situation is to stabalize Lebanon. This cannot happen without the direct cooperation of Syria which will never do so until the Golan heights are returned. Perhaps Israel can kill two birds with one stone: by returning the Golan they may be able to achieve peace with BOTH Lebanon and Syria. By re-posturing themselves to the PA they may be able o make peace with the West Bank which would leave only Gaza left to come in from the cold.

Act II, scene I

2007-05-27T09:26:00.001Z

Sometimes events in the Middle East are more predictable than an old play book. Like trying for a field goal with 3 seconds left on the clock. Certain situations will always result in the same course of action - so long as your leaders lack vision. Here, measures and counter measures are routine - and routinely repeated with an almost mathematical periodicity. Time seems to move cyclically and opening a newspaper today was like opening one a year ago. Take the latest bout of war being waged a mere 50km away from my house. It all started about 2 weeks ago when the palestinian "unity" government (in name only) started to morph into a civil war. The problem in Gaza is that Hamas assumes far more power than it constitutionally has (ie establishing a private army, etc) while fatah never quite accepted that their corrupt political leaders led their country to ruin and lost the election 18 months ago. Hence the power struggle in gaza. As factional fighting becomes more and more tribal (less and less about actual policies or politics), it looked like the bottomless pit the Palestinian Authority was falling into would engulf them forever. But no. Enter the inspiration of al-qaeda, the nihilistic caliphate seeking anti-semitic Islamic Jihad. These guys have predominantly one goal: the destruction of Israel (or any state that is not a sunni caliphate). As they looked out of the Gazan windows and saw their own people fighting amongst themselves, they figured - and were right - that the best way to stop Hamas and Fatah from digging eachothers graves is to rocket israel and get them involved in the mix. After all why fight your fellow palestinian when the great satans puppet master is at your doorstep? So last week as the death toll the civil war in gaza reached 40 in 7 days, rockets started to fall on israel. the first few went un-noticed (to everyone but the residents of Sderot). As the barrage intensified, the PM was forced to act, and act according to the well defined script of middle east conflict. Before you know it PM Olmert is ordering the bombing of hamas and islamic jihad cells in gaza, the devisive palestinain infighting is over, and israel is locked into a "you started it" fight with the rocketeers. Not to mention the victims of this war: hamas militants, israeli and palestinian civilians. Hamas catagorically states that they will not stop islamic jihad from attacking israel until israel stops bombing hamas. Israel, demands calm befor its military operations will cease. If I know this script, in a few months time, truce will be reached, then palaestinain infighting will again cause rockets to land in israel, and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera ...

How far? FORTY miles? Me? No....oh...ok then.

2007-05-22T08:28:00.000Z

So, as most people around the ICC are aware, I'm been roped into something daft. The Lyke Wake Walk. Now I'm not really one for hiking - I prefer sitting in the pub or watching the Grand Prix or cricket on a weekend - but severe guilt trips from my sister have forced my hand. So I'm trying to raise some money for the charity Heartlink, who did a sterling job of looking after my sister and her husband whilst my nephew Leo was critically ill a couple of years back. So I'm sure you can see this coming:

*** Please sponsor me ***

I know we all get harrassed to give to charity regularly (I got completely nailed by a Christian Aid woman at my front door the other day), but I can vouch for Heartlink's work and in addition thhey have a well defined target of £160,000 to raise in order to buy a 4D scanner, which sounds like a pretty cool piece of life-saving technology. In addition your money will force me into a position of no return - I'll have to do this thing.

So what is this walk? Forty non-stop miles of cross-country pain, starting at 9pm on Friday 22nd June and hopefully concluding around 4pm the following day. Check the details here - and note that:
a) their logo is a coffin, how reassuring, and
b) the walk is famous enough to have its own folk song (versions by Pentangle and Steeleye Span!)

I don't have the official sponsor forms yet but an email pledge would boost my morale as I sit here in fear of the moors....

Sycophants

2007-05-14T08:54:00.001Z

On friday night, C ordered brain. It was served chilled. It tasted like foie gras but a little more "organ"-ny

The weekend came and went filled with high flying young diplomats partying around me. The party on friday night was a great source of anecdotes however, as I dont want anyone to lose their job over the fact that they didnt know who was in charge of their country, I hesitate to publish these amusing stories here. Suffice it to say that if you are a young diplomat representing a country with mild political problems, at 3 am and after a couple of drinks you may not remember the exact name of the general who actually runs the show in your home capital. That said, diplomats from stable democracies can suffer from similar embarassment as their myopiea excludes the bigger picture. Ultimately, many (NGO, HRO, IGO, UNO, embassy staff, etc) expatriates here are sycophants, "sucking off the nipple of the conflict", which usually means that my proffession is greated with particular relief. People at these events will often ask me "Which organization do you work for"? To which I reply "I was posted in the UK for four years with the ICC before coming to the middle east, but I left after I could feel that I could no longer grow there. Now I work at the HU in the research department." When asked to explain who the "ICC" and "HU" are, I tell them astrophysics which ellicits the usual wide eye gazing ("wait your a scientist AND your not socially awkward?").

One political crisis and a side of resignations, please.

2007-05-02T09:43:00.001Z

The interim Winograd report - a kind of "public enquiry" into last summer's second lebanon war - was released and the tremors caused by this political earthquake are still being felt. Leaks and the interim report itself (the full report is expected out in the summer) indicated that although not asked to resign, PM Olmert and Defense Minister Peretz would be heavily criticized for their inept handling of the 34 day conflict. True to form both recieved harsh criticism. The report highlighted the PM's failures to criticize the military's planning, his failure to set realistic goals, the Defense minister's inexperience in handling military conflict (for a country where everyone goes to the army it is particulalry noteworthy that Peretz had no military experience), and the governments mistakes in calling up reserve duty troops (which appearently was not demanded by the military). All in all it was a resounding "F". The war was essentially commanded by the Head of the Joint Chiefs - Dan Halutz (the first ever Air Force officer in this position) and the report criticizes his reliance on air power and reluctance to go in on the ground until too late (Dan Halutz already resigned a few months ago). The PM responded by saying "lessons have been learned" and that he intends to "quickly implement all of the reports suggestions" (just how Mr. PM do you intend to that now that the war is over?)

Many politicians in Israel are calling on the PM (and his government) to resign. Even his foriegn minister Tzipi Livni is rumored to make a statement to this effect today. Of course Olmert and Peretz emphasize the fact that Winograd didnt explicitely ask for their heads to roll. But on the day the report came out Olmert's approval rating was: 0%. Today, 40% of the public want new elections, 70% want the resignation of their leader. The feeling is that Israel's deterent was weakend by the war which achieved little. In reallity Hezbollah will probably think twice about striking Israel again and UNIFIL (the inpotent yet visible UN force deployed in south lebanon) is more or less trying to ensure a Hezbollah free zone in southern lebannon. I think the people of lebanon dont feel like they won this war: with around 1000 people killed and 7000 buildings destroyed (versus around 150 israels killed and 3000 rockets hitting northern israel of which a small fraction caused real damage) Hezbollah is weaker in lebannon. In fact their attempt at forcing the democratically elected government in Lebanon to fall via general strikes and protest, has failed as PM Sinora holds on to power. A paradoxical state of affairs: Hezbollah is weaker in the eyes of lebanese people who i think felt hijacked by last years war, but stronger in the eyes of islamic militias and the israeli public.

So what will happen politically in Israel? As more and more senior MK's resign from the govenrment and call for the heads of the PM and DM, momentum will most likely force Olmert from power. If an election is held today, Likud (Netanyahus party) will most likely sweep to power as the left wing voters bloc is frustrated with their party's leaders. No one really knows if the old guard can cling on to power for that much longer and when (if ever) Olmert will fall on his sword. In today's world there is no longer honor in resignations. Politicians would rather pervert themselves than own up to the public's feeling. My feeling is that its not a question of "if" but a question of "when" and an answer of "soon".

Not much too report...

2007-04-30T11:18:00.001Z

As my shared taxi van was about to circumvent a police car stretched out in the middle of the street and drop me off near the central bus station in Jerusalem, the driver of the aforementioned police car halted all traffic. All of a sudden we were stuck at the head of a long line of cars, trying to get to the centre of town. There was - appearently- a suspect package sitting somewhere near the bus station awaiting detonation by IDF sappers.

This seemed to me like a wholly over protective attitude as terrorism 101 teaches you that the palestinians have not used this tactic (planting a bomb in a bag) in at least two decades. Fewer deaths are caused in this way when compared to suicide bombing and as such is unfavorable for the terrorist. Although I didnt stick around to find out how this particular story ended, Im sure it was not a bomb (it would be in the papers by now if it was) and that the Jerusalem police were being rather daft. Also, this exact same episode occured last month as well.

"Nation Wide Sirens"

2007-04-25T10:56:00.001Z

In other countries the term "nation wide sirens" is not heard all that much. In fact, of all the places I have lived in I have never heard the term before. In israel, this practice is common. SInce I have been here there have been four such nation wide sirens: one as a drill test, one for holocaust memorial day and two for Yom Hazikaron - memorial day for the fallen slodiers. On Sunday at 2000 the first of two days of national mania started. A nation wide 1 minute siren alerted everyone to the mournful 24 hours ahead in honor of all of israels war dead. On Monday morning at 1100 there was a 2 minute nation wide siren to usher in the day of mourning. Again there was no television as channels went off the air. On the radio all that could be heard were melancholic songs. We went to a memorial service in Rabin square where we heard a whole bunch of bands (none of which recieved applause after their sets) performing for fallen soldiers. People all over were crying and the mood on the streets was palpably tragic. When the show ended at 11, about 5000 people slowly walked home. The silence was deafening.

On monday night at about 6-7 the mood rapidly changed. Peoples tears were slowly turned into jubilation at the onset of Yom Hazmaut - Independence Day. Bars opened and the alcohol started freely flowing. The same stage that had been used as the focus of sorrow on Rabin square was quickly turned into the centre of a celebration of independence. Fire works, live music, people cheering. Kids all over the city were spraying some sort of foam and hitting eachother with little squeeky blow-up hammers. Then at around 11pm the nightlife took off. semi-illegal parties sprouted up all over Tel Aviv (basically people with gardens and/or roofs charged an entrance fee and served warm beer for a small price). Everywhere you went you heard blasting music and felt the party atmosphere. Because its the only secular holiday nationally celebrated by Israel, the religious can travel and "work". On teusday, the city woke up to the smell of burning charcoal and shishlik as people all over found parks in which to relax and celebrate israeli independence by barbequeing.

The sudden change from mourning to celebration was an interesting socialogical event in itself. What made the whole thing even more pensive for me, is that israel's neighbours mourn on Yom Hazmaut - a day they collectively call "The Catastrophe". For me the images of arabs crying over their lost land on the same day jews celebrate the fact that after 2000 years they are finally the masters of their own fate, put the middle east conflict into a bit of a perspective. Our holiday is their tragedy. So is the fire-born history of nations.

An appropriate time for a blog resurrection

2007-04-08T20:02:00.000Z

It being Easter, after all. Happy Easter to everyone! My apologies for such a long absence. I had nothing to say and have been rather busy. But now, I am still busy but have some "chat", to coin a Rossism.

First item of interest was the circus! Lydia (the computer manager at the ICC for non-locals) kindly gave KK and myself two tickets for "Le Grande Cirque" at Newcastle's Theatre Royal last week, since she was unable to attend. So, we got some excellent tickets (in the Grand Circle no less!) for an absolutely MINDBLOWING show. According to KK, they are an offshoot of Cirque de Soleil and it showed. They worked wonders in the relatively small space of the theatre's stage, and we were treated to feats of strength, balance, acrobatics and - to keep the chaps happy during set alterations - some rather tasty ladies dancing in their smalls. If you get the chance to go sometime, don't hesitate. It's a real rollercoaster, non-stop assault on the senses. Thanks again, Lydia.

On Friday, we were joined by KK's mum and went for dinner at Hide (how original). Stotty will be amused to learn which waiter we got: yes, the annoying twerp who loves telling you about his life. Anyway, that's not the story - when we got home, I had a voicemail on my mobile from my brother-in-law. He and my sister were at a somewhat surreal gig: one of the b-in-l's friends had arranged for Ian McNabb (of The Icicle Works fame: link) to play at his house! Apparently this is something McNabb does; you provide £500, a bed and a crate of beers, and he turns up, jams and has a laugh. So, I called back and was promptly handed to Ian (we're best buddies now) and after some banter he asked if I wanted to put in a request. So, I asked for "Hollow Horse" (have a listen to the original here, hope Ian doesn't mind), and was duly treated to an acoustic performance down the dog and bone.

Yesterday we played the role of what KK and I affectionately call "North-Face-Jacket-Wearing-Middle-Class-National-Trust-Lovies", and went to Raby Castle. We've been wanting to go for a while, having driven past enough times, but it's not normally open on a weekend - apparently through lack of interest! I have no idea why, as it's a great day out. The castle and grounds are pretty spectacular, and inside is just as impressive, a real mix of mediaeval fortress and 18th century stately home. The gem is perhaps the Barons' Hall, supposedly the longest room in the country (or something like that) and the birth place of the plotted "Rising of the North" in 1569. The best bit though, is that they have cannons!

and even a cannonade (I think it's too small to be a carronade)...

I'm sure you can imagine the Master & Commander related fun I had once I'd seen them.

2 average days in israel

2007-03-21T08:36:00.000Z

Yesterday the israeli civil defense force tested its own preparedness with three simulated attacks: a rocket attack against the aiport, a suicide bombing at a school and chemical attack on a power plant. At 2pm there were nationwide sirens. Despite knowing that they were coming, hearing the wailing of alarms was enough to make me want to leave the string theory lecture I was in and duck into a bunker. Earlier in the day a suspected suicide bomber was caught en-route north of Tel Aviv.

Today at 9am, negotiations between the Histadrut (Workers union) and the government regarding the wages of 3700 civil servants failed, resulting in a general strike being called. Ministries, local authorities, municipalities, religious councils, banks, the post office and public instituitions are closed. Trains, airports, and seaports are also shut. Kindergartens and libraries are closed while border guards, firemen and elctrical and water services are all operating in a limited capacity. The worst bit is that the bank of israel is also on strike which means there will be no cash distribution and ATMs will not be filled! The strike is open ended.

"However, union leaders decided to make one exception to the strike - airport workers will be back on duty on Thursday evening for a single incoming flight - carrying the England football team. They are due to play Israel in a Euro 2008 qualifying match on Saturday."

No being in Ivrit

2007-03-19T08:54:00.000Z

After weeks of being confounded with the simplicity of hebrew grammar, I am starting to embrace it. I say confounded because my german-italian-english sensibillity can be hard to change. For example, there is no verb for to be in Hebrew. I find this lack of the most basic verb slightly puzzling (how is Heiddiger translated? what about DesCartes "I Think Therefore I Am"?). Added to the notable absence of the words am, are, is, be, been, being is the lack of the indirect article "a" (the word "the" does exist). An example using "aba" and "ima" (father and mother) will elucidate the confusion caused:

"Daniel is a father" is translated as "Daniel aba" (direct translation: "Daniel Father")
"Nina is a mother" is translated as "Nina ima" (direct translation: "Nina Mother")

which means (I think)
"Nina and Daniel are a mother and a father" is "Nina ve Daniel ima ve aba". (direct translation: "Nina and Daniel mother and father).
The wierdest feature of the lack of the verb to be is that one cannot construct a sentence which means precisely: "I am".

Another thing thats simply bizarre about hebrew is that the lack of vowels means that two consonants next to eachother may be a word. For example: GG (pronounced "gag", means roof), DD (pronounced "dod", means loved one), or DG (pronounced "dag", means fish). All this is to show the simplicity of a five thousand year old language. Who needs the imperfect past third person passive indirect article? It does make it hard to construct a sentence based on enlgish formulations.

Phew

2007-03-12T08:24:00.000Z

15 minutes befor Ulpan started C showed up with a bag of freshly picked almonds and a copy of the Palestine Times. Phew. Not having been kidnapped, blown up, arrested, detained or in any way harmed I was of course, relieved.

Two Worlds seperated by 13km

2007-03-11T10:21:00.000Z

Today I am scared. Its not the ubiqutous post-modern angst Im talking about but a real fear for C. She has a meeting with a contact who works for the development branch of the german government in Rammallah - the defacto "capital" of the Palestinian territories. I say defacto because it is not the de jure capital. The Palestinian Authority president, Mahmoud Abbas lives there in a compound known as "The Mukataa" (arabic: "something seperated"); the palestinian legislative council (parliament) is in Gaza while (one of the) the stumbling blocks of all peace negotiations to date has been the desire of the palestinains to have the capial of a future state in Jerusalem. So what can go wrong? Everything. From internal fatah-hamas fighting to IDF raids and checkpoint closures. Although only 13 km from Jerusalem, its a world away from the modern, rich, introspective state we live in. Israelis are barred by law from entering. All western governments discourage their citizens from entering the palestinian territories ("defer all travel to the west bank" is a comman blip on embassy websites). All western embassy travel advisories say the same thing which boils down to "if you go and something happens, we cant/wont do anything". Well, at least the europeans who have been kidnapped in the past few months have all been released within a few hours and without being harmed. In the mean time I feel like a communications centre with my web browser opened to every possible palestinian and israeli news site, scouring them for updates on the security situation in Ramallah while at the same time anxiously staring at my phone awaiting text message updates on her whereabouts. Im holding my breath until ulpan tonight.

by far the most interesting coffee break ever

2007-03-07T12:14:00.000Z

Today, like most other days, I satiated my need for caffiene with a 1 o'clock latte. Sitting on the grassy null outside my office, me and my office mate were struck by a huge cloud circle in the sky, so big (high in the sky) that its entirety was not within one field of view. This (complete) ring was interstected by a rainbow arc whose curvature seemed to match that of the cloud circle. But the rainbow arc wasnt a full circle. To make matters more complicated, where the rainbow intersected the cloud circle the rainbow was distorted and rotated. After staring at this phenomenon for the length of time it takes to drink a latte (by which time it dissapeared) and ascribing its cause to everything from aliens to stratospheric events, we noticed high high up in the sky a little white dot (UFO? baloon? satellite?) travelling through the circle. What in sciences name was this? All suggestions welcome.

Afterwards me and my office mate worked out why cmbs "Measure Pi with a Pencil" works. Yay us.

Update: explanation of aformentioned mentioned natural phenomenon can be found here and a picture of aforementioned natural phenomenon can be seen here , taken by some bloke in antarctica.

Cup fever

2007-03-06T19:12:00.000Z

The smell of glory is hanging around the ICC after today's historic, if inelegant, 5-a-side victory over Physics Rangers. The win puts the ICC's side, imaginatively titled "Astro", into the final of the annual knockout tournament. Whilst there was an air of confidence that, having gloriously sailed past tournament hopefuls Engineering, Physics Rangers would pose less of a threat, we made thoroughly hard work of it.

Norris, in the "Henrik Larsson" role (being on loan from local rivals Cosmic) put us ahead in style - latching onto a cross to slide home from short range. Rangers were back on level terms in short order though, after we were caught napping and hit on the break.

The side remained unchanged as we started the second half (Bielby - also on loan, Eke, Davies, Crain, Norris) and I saw possibly my finest goal of the season - a left foot volley from the halfway line going in off the post - disallowed as we'd already been awarded a free kick (much talk of "where's the advantage ref?"). Nonetheless, Greg soon put us ahead again, surging down the right flank and firing home skilfully after the ball bobbled up awkwardly.

Not learning from the earlier mistake, lapse defending soon allowed Rangers back into the game, against the run of play, as a gambled cross found an unmarked striker ready to tap into the open net. Fresh legs were introduced as the Marks swapped - Swinbank on for Norris - but still the game looked to be heading into extra time, as Astro's unfruitful onslaught on the Rangers net sapped any remaining energy. Cue fitness masochist Vince Eke to take full advantage, positioning himself perfectly to latch onto a threaded ball from Swinbank and guiding home from short range. Rangers had no time to respond and Astro took a narrowly deserved victory.

The final is set for this Friday against runaway league champions Earth Sciences. We'll need to pull out all the stops to win that one, especially without goal machine Raul. Still, if the loan deals on Bielby and Norris can be extended we might stand a chance.

Also satisfying was this year's league position, a respectable fourth behind Earth Sciences, Physical Rex and Engineering. Coming above the likes of ASAT, Chembridge Utd and - of course - Cosmic, is very satisfying.

Heat and noise

2007-03-06T09:15:00.000Z

This is probably going to sound like a parody of my normal, miserable self, but there's another thing to be hacked off about. And it's to do with this lovely weather.

Don't get me wrong, it's glorious out there today - bright, sunny, the epitome of spring perhaps. But in here, it's getting a wee bit warm. As I type, I'm very comfortable on my own in my Ivory Tower. But by midday there'll be four of us in here, and the temperature will sky rocket. Our only recourse is to open the window, and there's the problem. Look what we have outside:

The mechanical workshop. I'm sure those 'real scientists' can't live without the sprockets and doodahs that these guys make (joking apart, I'm sure they do a sterling service) but you just can't think with all the noise coming from that place. Couple that with the noise from the two new developments undergoing construction on the science site, and you find opening the window just ain't an option.

On the bright side, I'm not on the bright side. That is, I have a north facing window here in the ICC. The poor buggers on the south side of the astroshack must have a nightmare with the sun streaming in all day. Gents, you have my sympathy.

Purim

2007-03-05T13:59:00.001Z

This past weekend saw the festive celebrations of the holiday Purim. Like many jewish holidays, we celebrated the fact that some genocidal maniac tried unsuccessfully to murder us. In this instance the genocidal maniac wasnt pharoah, or nebuchadnezzar, but the agagite (persian) vizier Haman. Queen Esther - herself a jew - apeals to her husband King Ahasherous to stop the liquidation of all the jews in the persian dominion which he does - along with hanging Haman (and his 10 children). The Talmud commands (I kid you not) "that you should drink alcohol until you dont know the difference between cursed Haman and blessed Mordechai (Ester's father)". As you may expect this is a religious edict I can abide (and imbibe) by. The holiday is celebrated by the entire country getting into costumes and drinking like the Northern English. Its a cross between holloween, guy fawkes day and Fasching plus alot of drinking. Sponataneous street parties are thrown with live bands, illegal house parties charge admission, and all bars are open especially late for punters to practice their religion and get trollied. I was a chinese man and C a geisha. The weekend was great not least because there were ample parties all over the city and a great celebratory vibe.

The return of F1

2007-03-04T20:59:00.001Z

The F1 season kicks off a fortnight today. I've loved F1 since before I can remember, which is slightly odd as I have little more than a passing interest in other forms of racing - perhaps MotoGP is a fairly close second thanks to the hilarious danger.

Sadly the last few years have seen F1 become a load of rubbish thanks to a number of reasons, such as:
- the total dominance of the Schumacher / Brawn / Ferrari axis (last season aside)
- silly qualifying procedures
- constant rule fiddling that inevitably affects the poorer teams.
- a lack of competitive Brits, in spite of many teams being based in the UK.

It's sad to see the decay or demise of independent constructors like Williams, Jordan, Sauber, Arrows and Minardi, who simply can't afford to keep up anymore. It's amazing that they remained (in some cases) competitive as long as they did, given the level of sophistication involved in the sport.

However, on the plus side, I think this year might get me excited again. Firsly, Schumacher has buggered off. Yay. Ok, he was an awesome sportsman but ultimately an arrogant buffoon too prone to foul play (remember the collision with Damon Hill in Adelaide, 1994?). Secondly, McLaren - my team of choice - have snared the services world champion Fernando Alonso and supposed world champion in the making, the British Lewis Hamilton. Given that McLaren didn't win a race last year, this is an exciting gamble for Alonso.

Thirdly, McLaren's former superkid Kimi Raikkonnen has transferred to rivals Ferrari and is commonly tipped to fail in his bid to become the new Schumacher because he's solely interested in racing, and not working closely with engineers. Fourthly, champions Renault, who are likely to have the best car out there, are without a driver who is deemed capable of taking the title. And finally, all the teams are now using the same tires, which makes it a bit more of a level playing field.

I'm looking forward to the first race!

Noam's missed opportunity!

2007-03-02T12:24:00.000Z

A while back I scoffed at Noam's get-rich-quick scheme, in which he planned to tap the energy expended by gym-fanatics as they exercise and feed it into the National Grid.

It seems I may have been hasty (shades of the time I mocked Nozbo for the now infamous "Romans raped women with giraffes" claim), since Slashdot are reporting that a gym in Hong Kong has gone ahead and implemented the plan.

Still, I'm not gobbling down my humble pie quite yet: the best the gym has managed so far is a paltry 300 watts. That's about 30% of what a modern desktop workstation sucks from the grid. It seems these recyclo-gyms aren't quite the alternative to nuclear power one might have hoped.

Technical changes

2007-02-26T14:12:00.000Z

Sorry to cause hassle to regular users, but I have followed Noam's suggestion (and indeed Craig's lead) and enabled word verification for comments to suppress spammers on the comments. Hope it doesn't detract people from commenting.

Muhgrabi gate excavations

2007-02-26T13:37:00.001Z

The above image was taken from the southestern most corner of the Kotel. Find a bigger version here. Visible is the wailing wall, the dome of the rock, the walkway, and the excavations. The distance from the excavation tents to the wall/mugrabi gate is about 30 m. Bear in mind that these two tents have caused world wide criticism, riots, multiple arrests and restraining orders, and have turned up evidence of a 10th century muslim prayer room.

Marias birthplace, more excavations and a funeral

2007-02-25T09:36:00.002Z

Yesterday C and I thought it would be fun to go to the old city for shabbat. So after a long morning involving coffee, newspapers, more coffee and herring, we headed to the bus station to catch a sherut to the Old CIty. When we got to west Jerusalem we found it - to no surprise - devoid of life. we walked the mile or so to the old city which as usual was bustling with tourists and that huge infrastructure designed to make money off of them. First thing we did was to walk along the ramparts of the wall. It was amazing: the ramparts stretch from the Jaffa gate to the wailing wall, encircling the armenian quarter. When we got to the Kotel (western wall) I was anxious to see what the muhgrabi gate excavations looked like. They were - to no surprise - not major. I photographed them and will publish the images tommorow. After getting told off by a haredi for using my camera on shabbat, C and I headed throught the old city via the via dolorosa to "The church of mary's nativity" which contrary to what both of us thought, was not a church dedicated to The Nativity but instead was built on the spot where Maria was born. It was an amazing 10th century church, that had been turned into a Koran school by the Arabs, and then donated by the Ottomans to the french for their help in the Crimean war. The french turned it back into a (catholic) church and yesterday it was being used by an american evangelical congregation. They were exploiting the amazing acoustics to talk in tongues and scream "Hallellujah" every 20 seconds. It was pretty intense to witness the religiosity with which these born agains testified. After they left, C and I probed the mythical echo and then walked around the church grounds which included remains of a 1 century BCE cistern, and a monastary. As we left we walked through the muslim quarter and stumbled upon a funeral which scared the life out of me. A large group of angry muslim men holding a body draped in green in a coffin on their shoulders can't possible good! But as prejudice bowed to reality they walked by, somber and sad and unaggressive (to my relief). I guess it meant that the deceased had not been killed by israeli fire: no anti-israeli slogans were being chanted, nor effigies burnt. Nevertheless the whole event was kinda shocking. Finally, we ate some kebab and kubeh on the roof of an armenian restuarant with views of the domed roofs of old city before leaving and heading back to modernity.

Quack

2007-02-15T12:47:00.000Z

I'm no art buff, but I do know what I like. I also feel qualified to criticise poor art when I see it. Here is an example of bad art:

Yes, it's an advert (or perhaps a warning?) that DUCK week is here. For the non-locals, DUCK is an acronym for Durham University Charities Kommittee. Yes, they really did think it was ok to spell committee with a K. For that alone Durham deserves to be relegated to the lower echelons of the league tables. But my point: ok, it's an enthusiastic student getting excited about saving the world, but what a poor attempt at a representation of a duck. Most toddlers could do better.

Never one to promote hypocracy, I thought I'd prove that I can do better. I have no desire to get cold on Kingsgate bridge, so I did my drawing armed with my trusty Pilot G2 pen (courtesy the ICC). I reckon my ducks are much better:

So, students, pull your socks up and draw better ducks. You over-privileged bunch of southern nancies. On other news, Jim's application to join the Friends of Laphroaig has yielded the whisky club a square foot of Scottish bog and a swanky certificate. Here's the latest (tidied!) display of our haul. Note: we're still missing a few bottles - if anybody finds them, please bring them in.

When Israel builds a ramp ...

2007-02-12T13:13:00.000Z

The mayor of Jerusalem today has ruled that the controversial re-building of a walkway leading up to the temple mount will be temporarily halted, until a "more transparent" civic debate has run its course. The announcement a few days ago by the municipality that it was begining archeological excavations in anticipation of pending construction caused riots, the buring of efigies, and international condemnation across the arab and muslim world.

However, in cases like this it always best to be well informed. Three points are salient here:

1. the walkway they want to build is OUTSIDE of the temple mount. The archelogical excavations that preceed any constructions in Jerusalem also do not threaten the structural integrity of the temple mount as they are taking place a good 20-30 meters away from the retainig wall (in a city like Jerusalem or Rome with a rich history all construction must be preceeded by an archeological dig to see if any artifacts are uncovered). Also, this walkway is not a wholly new structure. It is a permanent bridge built to replace a temporary walkway set up after the collapse of the original one in 2004.

2. This walkway needs to be built out of respect for the palestinians who, according to religious edict, do not permit non-muslims to use any other of the 8 entrances to the temple mount. Israel respects this and uses only the designated entrance. The reason israel demands at least one entrance into the compound is because after east jerusalem was captured in 1967, the then prime minister declared that the old city would be open and free for all who wish to enter. No discirimination based on religion would prevent worshippers from freedom of movement throughout the old city (while under jordanian control pre-1967 christians and jews were banned from having free pasage through many parts of the old city). Unfortunately due to the high risk of riots and violence, this pledge has - from time to time - been suspended as potentially dangerous demographics have been denied entry.

3. We are talking about a small walkway here. Its not exactly a 40 floor sky scraper. Its a little more than a permanent scafolding. The newspapers say that the load it should be able to carry is no more than 30 armed policemen at a time.

While it is true that Israel could have tried and obtained a consensus with the WAQF that controls the temple mount, and it was perhaps a bit on the provocative side not to even try, it would probably have been futile as in situtions like this any dialogue is usually met with flat out rejection. However the status quo dictates that any change to the status quo needs to be agreed on by all sides; if it isnt your probably going to have riot or two on your hands (its simply a matter of luck that these riots were met with stun grenades and mace rather than live bullets). Perhaps due to the temporary suspension of construction the weekend riots have subsided, however entering Jerusalem this morning took longer than usual as my mini-van taxi/bus shimmied through a bottle neck caused by an armed checkpoint.

Lisa Marie Nowak

2007-02-07T08:14:00.000Z

The story of Lise Marie Nowak exemplifies the dignity of scientists. The cool, collected, sober, balanced assesor of phenomena. The level headed judge. The specialized operator of multi-billion dollar technology.

"Police officials say she drove 900 miles to Florida from Texas, wearing a diaper so she would not have to stop for rest breaks. In Orlando, they say, she confronted her rival in a parking lot, attacking her with pepper spray. "

Attaking a rival with pepper spray I fully understand, but why the nappies? I mean, surely as a scientist she must now that variations in the traffic density that cause fluctuations in journey time integrated over a 900 mile trip are much greater than the 2 minutes necesary to pull over and have a wee. I mean Paula Radcliff did so WHILE RUNNING A MARATHON and still got to the finish line first. What is with these people? how can the most prestigious governmentally run space company in the world higher people at the highest echelon who dont have the slightest intuition for the law of averages?

Plus how can an astronaut be freed on bail. Surely by the very nature of her job shes a flight-risk?

Spying on Scandals

2007-01-31T21:36:00.000Z

By popular demand I have been asked to put a halt to my laziness and address my online fan club with what they want: juicy details of my self styled gossip page life. Well true to form I had serious multi-cultural mid-week drinkage. A european coworker of C had birthday drinks at a georgian restaurant to which half of the mid 30s diplomatic corp of Tel Aviv was invited. I met an envoy from germany, an indian-canadian security expert, a counsul from the republic of eire, and a whole bunch of wives and husbands, not to mention the "europeans" (EU staff) themselves. The crowd was bordering on espionage. They all had this way of talking: alot of "between me and you", "off the record", "unofficially" and my favorite "someone told me..." I got some nice info (yes I am self impressed, just like these 30 somethings getting DANGER PAY for living in country with a crime rate 1/1000th that of their home countries). Well I dont want to repeat it here in the middle of cyberspace, but suffice it to say that alot of talking head pundits on Fox arent too far off the mark. It made me feel special - like I was a small but significant tweed wearing scientist who may have some secrets burried in his brain to which the 007s of this world must try and gain access. Did I mention I had enough zubrovka to drown a georgian bison in Alexander Litvinenkos polonium infested miso soup?

Speaking of politics for those of you who dont follow the ins and outs of Israeli politics it reads like the gossip collumn of Variety. Or make that the crime section of the Harlem Times. Basically these days, the highest echelon of the Israeli political elite have a serious problem keeping their hands off women. The Justice Minister Haim Ramon, has just been found guilty of forcing a 21 year old soldeir to kiss him (there is irony in a justice minister getting convicted). I think what angered the country so much is not just that he forced his tongue down her throat, but that he did it a few minutes before a cabinet meeting on the second day of the war with Lebanon. Two IDF soldiers are being tortured in some hole in Beirut, the country's about to go to war to rescue them and the justice minister is smooching a 21 year old subordinate. Great. Far more serious is the Presdient of Israel (a mainly ceremonial position), Moshe Katsav will be indicted on charges of rape, sexual harrasment, more sexual harassment and more rape. RAPE!!! How can the president of a democracy be a rapist? Its sick. To be fair I dont believe in trial by media and the man is innocent until proven guilty, but still the alegations and (possible) indictment are enough. Last but not least the right honorable Prime Minister is being questioned basically over insider trading - on when he knew what regarding the privatisation of one of Israels largest banks (Leumi - my bank as it happens). And it doesnt end there. Omri Sharon, the son of the vegetable former prime minister Ariel, could face prison over illegal fund raising. Oh and did I mention theres a low level civil war raging in Gaza and yesterday there was the first suicide attack inside Israel in 9 months (it killed 3 bakers) ...

I've made it. I'm off for a beer.

2007-01-31T15:52:00.000Z

Just had it pointed out to me that my baryon fractions paper has received its first citation! Better still, the second author of the citing paper is one J. Ostriker. A certain friendly Canadian co-author has also informed me that he has 3 pre-prints ready to go to press, each carrying a citation. Yes! A nice surprise on the day I resubmitted the revised manuscript, which I hope will carry past the referee.

Now, where are my cigars?

2007 and all that (Rob's take)

2007-01-30T20:26:00.000Z

Ok, a bit belated, but January 2007 has been a rollercoaster of a month. So I'm going to take stock, make my plans for the remaining 11 months of the year, and give myself something to look back on sometime around 2008 when I'll be even more stressed about time than I am now.

The key stake in the ground of January was the Lorentz/Virgo meeting in Leiden. The meeting, and in equal measure my preparation for it, has determined the direction of my PhD and I'm pretty happy about where I'm going. This is a marked change from only a couple of months ago when the best answer I could give to people about what I research was "galaxies". I've got a plan in place, and armed with my GTD book (thanks Sam), I'm going to nail the bugger to the wall.

Also, I've thrown an abstract into the fray of the Heidelberg "Dark Universe" conference, which I'm dearly love to go to. I think it'll be a great meeting and I'd love to use the opportunity of going as an excuse to get the missus and I on a holiday for the first time in two years. Here's hoping SOC members Drs. Alexander and Smail fight my cause!

So, my optimistic predictions:
1. United to pip Chelsea to the title
2. Chunky GIMIC-based paper by close of the year
3. Dalsim will get finished
4. I'll stick to using some form of GTD methodology
5. I'll resist buying a Macbook but will relent over a Samsung telly and AppleTV.

Sweden in Netanya

2007-01-24T12:44:00.000Z

I have started a semi-routine of working from home. This would otherwise be fine except that when i am at home im prone to lax concentration, due in part to my neanderthal upload speed which makes ssh'ing and scp'ing a semi-nightmare. So in between calculations I inevitably read papers and browse the internet. My work situation has gone through a major face lift: new desk, chair and imac aquired. I have spent some time installing software on my new computer - this has turned out to be a bit of a mess, because appearently the x11 program used by os 10.4.x has a bug in it (you instal new software and it doesnt work and your convinced that its your dumb fault only to find out that the geniuses in silicon valley arent perfect coders either!)

My work is semi-shaping up. I am starting to become a gadget-runner efficienado and have succesfully simulated a spiral galaxy. this would be extremely noteworthy if it werent for the fact that I am simply reprocuding previous results. Well I guess thats one small step on the long arduous road to originality.

Last weekend cilia and I went to ikea and bought half of sweden. I love Ikea. they have super cheap great quality furniture. For a few hundred quid (and a few hours of outsourced furniture building) our flat was transformed from prehistoric cave dwelling into a 21st century lux pad. A freind of mine noted the fact that the liberal left is always up in arms about the disneyfication of the world via McDonalds, Starbucks, etc but no one seems to care that Ikea is doing the same thing to the world of furniture. Who can honestly argue with the swedes?

Why would anyone buy mass produced canvas paintings from Ikea? bookshgelves I can understand, but art?

Technical difficulties

2007-01-21T20:06:00.000Z

Seems the /gal/sr2 RAID at work has gone down. Sadly this is where I keep all of the media for the blog, so for the immediate future there'll be no pics online. Many apologies.

Zak hooi!

2007-01-19T09:42:00.000Z

Jeepers, it's been a while since I last blogged. So, here I am in Leiden - having found a break in the Virgo proceedings. I've been in Leiden now since Sunday which seems so long ago now that this place has almost become my brain's default setting. That's perhaps due to the Leffe / Duval / Kastell etc etc. However I shall never get used to Dutch cuisine.

The conference was pretty tiring, as usual, but the Lorentz Center (the venue for the conference) is very comfortable and provides unlimited free coffee, resulting in me being pretty wired all week. Notable this time around was a willingness on the part of Virgo's upper echelons (need I name names?) to lay the smack down on unsuspecting students when disagreements arose. A number of times it looked pretty ugly. Fortunately my own talk passed without incident and a number of people commented that they liked the movies (and wanted code). The whole OWLS/GIMIC thing is shaping up to be an exciting project to work on, and the young guys in Leiden are a sharp and helpful bunch. So - looking forwards to cracking on and hopefully having a lot more to say at the next meeting.

Incidentally, the weather here has echoed that in the UK. No trains were running in all of the Netherlands and as far as I can tell Schipol shut down. Here's hoping I can get home, before the beer or the coffee kill me.

2007 and all that

2007-01-11T11:11:00.001Z

It has been a very long time since that white snow fall on jerusalem! So much has happened around here that I wont bore my onlive fan-club with the details. Simply put:
1. I found a great flat in Tel Aviv
2. I moved into aforementioned great flat with cilia
3. I purchased necessary things for the aforementioned great flat (including, but not limited to, bed, matress, sofa, table, chairs, stove, oven, fridge, tv, cable, internet)
4. I set up my home office that allows my to work (occasionally) from home.
5. I realized that despite having a killer 3Mb/s download speed, my pathetic upload speed of 150kb/s may be prohibitively slow to allow my to work from home.
6. I hade a vintage Yarden wine which was so good it convinced me that any negotations involving giving back the parts of the golan that include the vineyard should be fought tooth and nail.
7. Cilia started her job as an junior EU diplomat.
8. I greeted 2007 with a stomach full of squid.

2007 will be an exciting year. Israeli intelligence chiefs have warned of a possible "flare up" on the northern border with (both) hizbullah and syrria (flare up = war). After the Baker commision recommended to slowly pull the troops out of iraq, GWB is going to do the opposite and send more in (I'm undecided on whether this is good or bad. However, judging from experience any decsion GWB takes tends to be bad...)

White Jerusalem

2006-12-27T13:48:00.000Z

Although one is inclined to believe that it is the religious fervor, or the politics of this land that make it surreal, upside down, a "through the looking glass" experience, there is higher proof - of the natural kind - that afirms this claim. As the rest of the world uses proof of a warm winter as evidence for man made global warming, in Israel the opposite is true. Outside of my office it is snowing. And not just a trickle of snow that wont stick: but a full on blilzzard (of sorts). While alpine resorts curse their confounded bad luck at the lack of freezing temperatures, here in israel - a country surrounded by deserts and the warm waters of the mediterreanean - the mercury has dropped to that crucial point allowing sleet and rain to mold itself into snow. Its not just the politcs, the religiosity, the cultural interaction that is strange here, but alas, mother nature has her own plan for this land.

Tim Cappello: all kinds of awesome

2006-12-15T12:23:00.000Z

Last night a few of us watched The Lost Boys (too skint to go to the Christmas curry!). I've always loved the film - and it's INXS-dominated soundtrack, but it had been a while since I'd seen it. I was hence reminded of Tim Cappello. And how badass he is.

Cappello is a musician that rose to fame as part of Tina Turner's touring band, and I suspect in no small part due to the fact that he clearly loves getting stacked and breaking out the baby oil. In the film, he can be seen playing a gig - with his epic track "I Still Believe" - to a crowd on a beach. Where better than to get topless, show off those muscles, and get oiled up?

As if that wasn't enough, his onstage performance in the film is nothing short of mind-boggling. His strutting puts Jagger in the shade, and Shakira would kill to be able to move her hips like Tim. And then there's the nuclear-powered sax playing. BOOM! How the hell this dude isn't a gay icon I'll never know.

His website has the following great facts:

-Timmy's favorite two instruments are the sax and his voice.
-In a fight scene on an episode of the Equalizer that he acted in, another actor mistakenly dislocated his nose. Ouch!!
-Timmy's band, the Ken Dolls, was the only group ever banned from CBGB for being "too outrageous."
-He isn't fond of any cologne; Timmy says it makes him itch.

Keep talking

2006-12-06T09:33:00.000Z

Yikes...it's my turn this week, along with the "N of NFW", to deliver the Friday Lunchtime Talk - an event now popularly abbreviated to FLT by Geach and Ross, I note. Well, there's only one band to listen to when writing a talk.

Yes indeed, "life is what you make it". And a quick glance at iTunes suggests that when my Talk Talk collection has been played through, I've got Tears for Fears to look forward to. Happy Days.

why do beurocrats hate their jobs so much?

2006-12-05T12:38:00.000Z

This morning I had an appointment at the ministry of the interior to sort out my formal visa position since when I landed I was only granted a 1 month tourist visa. My first experience with Israeli red tape was nearly what one would expect from a third world beurocracy. Except for the relative "efficiency" (I was out after only 45 minutes) the experience was agonizing. Firstly the crowd of american jews, phillipeno immigrants, palestinians and israelis was completely chaotic. There were no numbers to pull, no sign up sheet, basically a free for all where the man with the biggest waist wins. I luckily had an appointment (through not fault of my own: I had tried the futile exercise of making an appointment by phone, but no one EVER picked up), made for me by the adivsor to new faculty who also gave me a long list of documents/photos/forms I needed to have. My advisor also told me EXACTLY what to request: a 1 year B2 multiple entry visa. The beurocrats were your typical, lazy, sour faced, too much make up, ugly, annoyed, annoying, negative, "Id rather be dead than working for this lot" crew. At 930 I went to desk three and told the woman I had an appointment. She told me to wait. At 941 I sat down. She said I couldnt get a B2 multiple entry visa. Why not? because I was only elligible for a student visa. But my university told me differently? Doesnt matter. I can only grant you a tourist visa for 3 more months which will be cancelled when you leave the country. But... I dont care. Go to room 205. I go to room 205 (presumably the manager). She is in the process of clearing the long queue from in front of her room. Shes yelling at these phillipenos in hebrew and they clearly dont understand a thing. Then she starts yelling in english "If you dont have an appointment you have to leave", "Im sorry your pregnant wife isnt here, you cannot apply for anything on her behalf", "Come back tomorrow at 715 am" "If you dont have your visa tracking form I cant help you". She gets to me. I start telling her how my university told me one thing and her colleague is rejecting my request. "what do you do?" "why do you need to leave the country?" "how long you here for?" finally she submits to my request. I rush back to desk 3. The woman is clearly angry that her superior has contradicted her. She says its going to cost me 500 shekels (about 70 quid - the university told me it would cost 145 shekels). Cash only. After hitting her windos 95 keyboard with a ferocity that could get her an ASBO, she says its only going to cost 390. Then after hitting her decaying keyboard again its come down to 290, then 220. I pay. She sticks some stickers in my passport, burries my forms and documents (without checking them) deep into an abyss of files, and gives me a look thats says "Never come back here you disgusting little piece of insignificant nothingness". I happily take my passport and leave with the slightly naseating feeling that I need to do this all over again in 11 months.

Spoon bending and mind reading

2006-12-03T12:48:00.000Z

On friday evening I went to Tel Aviv. I had a rendevous with paranormalist extraordinare, Mr Uri Geller (perhaps the only israeli "celebrity" the world has ever seen). I had organized a meeting with him after he telephoned me on monday following a meeting he had with my father. We met just before sundown and the beginning of shabbat on the 19th floor of the Sheraton hotel. After introducing himself to me he immediately went to the business lounge bar, picked up a spoon from a basket of coffee spoons, started stroking it and presto! the head started to droop. He then placed the spoon a top the coffee maker and insitsed that when in contact with metal the bending continues alone.
After it had bent a full 90 degrees, he signed it "To Noam, Uri Geller" and gave it to me. I must say that unless he had quickly deposited the spoon there before entering the room, the whole thing was unexplainable. Even if he had deposited it there: the spoon is made out of metal, and I SAW it bending. I was well impressed. He also performed some telepathy on me: he turned around and asked me to draw something simple and then cover it with my hands. I did so, he turned around and drew the EXACT same dawing.
The diamond shape even includes a small segment I added on to make it more unique. I was well impressed, again. The final "feat" (he told me not to use the word "trick") he performed was to ask me to think of any building in any capital city. I thought of Sacre-Ceur in Paris. He had it already written down (ok, Paris might have been the obvious choice, but why not the Eifell tower?). I dont know how to explain these things with my rational, physical arsenal of differential equations. Regardless of whether he is a charlatan or not (his words), he is a very interesting and charsimatic person. In his life he has met so many amazing personalities, to name a few: Golda Meir, Richard Feynmann, David Bohm, Viktor Weisskopf, Salvador Dali, not to mention the A-list Hollywood crowd. His CV includes, among many other things, prospecting for gas and oil fields for major energy corporations, being invited by Al gore to bombard the Russian delegation with telepathy to sign the Nuclear non proliferation treaty, working with the FBI to locate the "son of sam" serial killer in New York, and ultimately his abilities were tested by stanford, the cia, and the mossad. He explained to me that the whole universe is energy and that if you give energy to the universe, the universe gives you energy back. I asked him then, why could I not bend a spoon and he said quite honestly "I dont know". Oh well, I guess us mere mortals must make do with bending things with pliers.

More images of Eretz

2006-11-27T17:11:00.000Z

My parents, sister and sister's friend arived in Israel for a long weekend. As my parents were busy meeting people I was assigned to tourist guide detail. It was fun. We started by going to the old city where we saw this guy carrying a stone slab on his head. Its things like that which remind me that I live in a 3rd world country. Of course we saw the 1300 year old mosque (atop the "temple mount" or "noble sanctuary" or "Mount Morriah" or "Zion" or - my personal favortie name made popular by Jules in Pulp Fiction - the "Holy of Holies"). After we left the mosque we went to the wailing wall and I spotted a white dove nestled in the cracks. These stones are from the time of Solomon which means they are around 2500 years old. A short walk from these two sites is the church of the holy sepulchre which houses "golgotha" - a stone where it is believed both Adam died and where Jesus was both crucified and ressurected. Outside the church we met two ethiopian Copts (you can see them in the fore ground above). I started speaking to them about their church and found out that this man was the patriarch of the ethiopian christian community (which numbers about 3000). Inside the church, we found Chrusader graffitti. ... and a beautiful 1500 year old mosiac of Jesus. The place was full of monks praying and had an eerily silent feel to it. We left Jerusalem and went to the dead sea - the lowest place on earth - whose surface area is evaporating at the rate of 1 sq m per day. The coastal recssion is starkingly obvious. The next morning we headed to masada, a mountain fort which served as the last stand of the jewish rebels in 70 C.E. The victory by the romans ushered in 2000 years of diaspora. The view of the mountains (whose peaks are still below sea level) and lake was breathtaking. I saw a pretty desert bird and of course some archeological remains of the fort, although I suspect this amphora is a fake. Judging by their attire, I believe my sister and her freind enjoyed their time in the middle east!!

The Duke of Wellington

2006-11-26T13:38:00.000Z

I'm a real fan of Craig's photorecipe series. Since Craig rarely cooks meaty meals I thought I'd have a go at filling in the carnivorous gap. To celebrate Jim1's return to Blighty, I invited him round for a meal. After months of salivating at the memory of the beef wellington that Gordon Ramsay cooked on the F-Word, I decided to have a go. Here's what I did:

Step 1: Roughtly chop 400g of Portobello flat mushrooms. Beware: these cost an arm and a leg at Waitrose!

Step 2: Puree the mushrooms in a blender or food processor.

Step 3: Spread the puree into a hot(ish) pan, in order to remove the moisture. Be careful not to burn them!

Step 4: Season about 500g of beef fillet. Beware: this costs an arm and a leg anywhere! I went with a simple salt and ground black pepper seasoning.

Step 5: Quickly fry the fillet in a little hot oil, to seal in the juices.

Step 6: We'll need some mustard shortly - get a handy sous-chef (Jim1 will do nicely) to mix up some English mustard powder.

Step 7: Lay out some cling film, then make a bed of parma ham (or prosciutto if you prefer), with each slice slightly overlaying the last. Then evenly spread the mushroom mixture over it. Make sure there's no excess moisture left!

Step 8: Spread the mustard over the fillet and then - here's the tough bit - place it on the bed and, using the cling film to help, roll it up. You want to roll it as tight as you can. I confess that this bit didn't go as well as I'd hoped, and in my anguish I forgot to take a photo. Whack the parcel into the fridge to firm up while you go onto the next step.

Step 9: Roll out some puff pastry. If you're a talented cook you can make your own, but being lazy and inexperienced, I went for the Jus-Rol option. Tastes great anyway. Don't forget to throw down some flour!

Step 10: Remove the cling film from the meat and, once again, roll it into as tight a parcel as you can. At this point, I egg washed it and returned it to the fridge. Jim1 thinks now that it might be better to leave the egg washing until you're about to cook it. Anyway - stick it into the fridge for about an hour.

Step 11: You now have some time to kill. Whenever the lovely ladies from French Maid TV have to wait they usually have pillow fights or chase each other with feather dusters. Jim1 and I weren't keen on this idea, so went off to the pub for a pint instead.

Step 12: Upon your return, you might want to consider making some veg, or ideally, have your other half sort it while you're at the pub. Kat made us some fanned garlic new potatos, with carrots and broccoli. Throw the wellington and the potatos in the oven for about 30mins. Why not open a nice bottle of Chilean red at this point?

Step 13: And there's the fruits of your labour. I'm sure you can make a more aesthetically pleasing parcel than I, but boy it tastes good, if I do say so myself. Leave for 10 mins before carving - get your veg steamed while you wait!

Step 14: Eschew dessert; I think a little French bread, Camembert and Beaujolais nouveau set the lot off nicely. If you're an alcoholic, you could have some port too.

I was pretty happy with that!

My New guiding principle

2006-11-21T14:08:00.000Z

“Anything that we scientists can do to weaken the hold of religion should be done and may in the end be our greatest contribution to civilization.” (Nobel Laureate Steven Weinberg, 1977)

Novel decorating method: the C-bomb

2006-11-20T19:18:00.000Z

I was visited this weekend by my Dad, a rare and enjoyable change from usual ssh-related skullduggery of my weekends. We discovered the joy of midday drinking, visiting both the Market Tavern (hmmmn...how unusual) and the Shakespeare (first time in ages), and thanks to Lydia, I also got to show him the supercomputers. Sounds geeky but it's easy to take for granted how physically awesome the machines are when your usual contact with them is via a command prompt.

As you can see, Dad also enjoyed a slightly less advanced computational experience by playing Street Fighter II on the Super Nintendo. How he must have endured countless hours of "hadouken" coming from the telly during my childhood. Sadly it seems that Vega has got the better of him here.

We also got to see the utterly freakish "warm-up act" for the ~~z-list~~ celebrity guests who came to turn on the Christmas lights. I was actually quite scared by this wacky show. Scarier still though, was what happened later; after I enjoyed an espresso at Pizza Express, Dad fancied one, so once back home I began making him one with one of those espresso makers that you put on the hob. I then made the mistake of nipping upstairs and, naturally, forgot all about the coffee.

Ten minutes later, there was a detonation in the kitchen. Dad and I rushed down to see what had happened. Before I even reached the kitchen, I found this in the lounge:

Whilst concerned that somehow coffee had travelled from the cooker to the lounge, I wasn't prepared for the devastation in the kitchen:

It instantly reminded me of that horrific scene in Trainspotting where Spud ends up flinging poo over his girlfriend's lounge, although in this case the smell was actually very nice. Poor Dad felt a bit guilty, having asked for a coffee:

but it was bloody hilarious at the time. So - if ever you want coffee coloured walls, that's the way to go. Great coffee house aroma into the bargain.

The Return, Episode II

2006-11-16T14:40:00.000Z

I have just finalized my plans for return to the UK. For all those interested I will be gracing you with my presence from the 8th - 16th of December. I intend to catch up on time lost at Chase, Jimmy's, pub quizes (either at howlands or the Jug), whiskey that doesnt cost 20quid a shot, bacon baps, coffee manage-trois with glenda pat and lynne, and of course my mates at ye olde Physics deptartment.

One of the nice things about having a new email address is the lack of spam. However there is something confidence building about opening up your inbox to 57 emails, even if 56 of them are for viagra and 1 of them is from Lowry McComb.

If you like to gamble, I tell you I'm your man.

2006-11-16T10:15:00.000Z

This is probably the single most awesome event for 13.7 billion years. My nephew, George (9), like most boys of his age, plays football for a local junior team. I've just about forgiven him for his choice - he plays for Greenbank FC, who were the arch-rivals of my own junior team, Glebe Park Eagles, when I was a wee lad.

It was just happens that George's coach knows Lemmy. Yes, *the* Lemmy. From Motorhead. The greatest metal band in history. A quick phone call to Lemmy has landed the team sponsorship from Motorhead, including a very-metal black kit (complete with skulls on) and a benefit gig at Nottingham's Rock City this Saturday. The kids are all invited to the gig, to hang back-stage with Lemmy et al., and are now running onto the pitch to the Ace of Spades (a bit more hardcore than Newcastle's 'Local Hero').

The whole affair has made it onto local news [clicky] and Mark Swinbank tells me they've just had a mention on Radio 2. Hopefully Stotty and Geach (if Jim's listening) can get me more Radio 2 banter later on!

Rain and cats

2006-11-15T16:01:00.000Z

Today jerusalem woke up to the coldest day so far this winter. And I dont use the word 'cold' here relatively. While it was certainly far from freezing (I think it was about 11 C), this part of the world is not used to such dramtic firgidity. Also, the arid climate looks strange in the rain. A wet cactus? While it did not pour, there was a heavy mist in the air that nestled itself in the valleys of the city. An interesting topographical attribute of Jerusalem is that its a city perched on hilltops. Every neighbourhood is at the summit of one of these hills and to go from A to B inevitably involves dipping into the valleys. Most of these mini-valleys arent very densely inhabited and tend to be designated as city parks. Jerusalemites are total strangers to this climate and well underprepared. When it starst to drizzle people run for cover. The brolly is a rare item. People shiver, roofs leak, cats get upset. The number of cats on campus is also a slightly bizarre. It seems to me that the Hebrew Univeristy doubles as a cat sanctuary. Perhaps they fullfill some darwinian niche (better cats than mice!) but the sity of a hundreds of scavenging kittens - not to mention pregnant cats - is slightly unsettling especially when im trying to eat my lunch in peace, without the desire to be overcome with guilt for not feeding the kitten meowing at my feet.

A well oiled machine

2006-11-14T21:31:00.000Z

One of the big life changes I've tried to implement recently is to just get more stuff done while I'm at work. I think most of the astronomy gang would confess that there's a lot of, if not buggering about, at least a lot of "peripheral discussion" and procrastination.

And so I find myself into my third year with lots of ideas in my head - I think my first two years have given me a fairly solid, if not stellar, grounding in my craft. I have many of my own ideas, which I think is really the key to staying afloat in this game, but alas - I'm worried that I'll never have the time to get them done. After all, I need to get some low-risk work out of the door for a guaranteed scientific return, and then write a thesis.

My solution has been to look into one of the latest fads on the internet: the philosophy of "Getting Things Done" (GTD for short). GTD is a huge subject, so I'll save a big discussion of this and just give a brief mention to 43Folders, an excellent blog+podcast series that looks at ways to implement your own GTD system, which can be as simple as making a list of things you need to do, or as mental as developing "ubiquitous capture" procedures for ensuring your brain never misses a trick. Supposedly.

My own "GTD system", if it could be called that is basically a hierarchical list built with OmniOutliner, a *sweet* piece of software that came with my new Mac (kudos to Apple, again), and my trusty Moleskine reporter's pad which now travels with me nearly everywhere. However, I think I've found the ultimate anti-procrastination weapon for the theoretical astronomer. And it's free, and utterly non-complex. My girlfriend made it for me, and it's going to sit on my desk at work [click to see it].

images of life in Eretz

2006-11-12T16:58:00.000Z

Welcome to the Holy land

Security outside my university campus

Hebrew University students

A Zionist

A street in the Old city

A Jerusalem street

A jerusalem restaurant on a Jerusalem street

Ancient greek monastery (5 C.E.)

Chalva at the Shuk

Soldiers

People at Pride

Military Poster

Napoleonic cannons in Jaffo (Tel Aviv in the background)

Arab House in Jaffo

Bauhaus in Tel Aviv

Sunset over the med

A proud rally?

2006-11-12T10:44:00.000Z

Friday’s Pride parade went off without a hitch. Well, technically speaking that’s not really true, but everything in Israel is relative. The “Parade” was actually more of a rally, after organizers compromised with security concerns following the country’s “highest security alert in years” due to the Beit Hanun stray mortar shell. Instead of marching to the Knesset, the event was held at the universities stadium, with a 1 km perimeter guarded by 3000 border guards, police men and soldiers. Only about 2000 people showed up – the low number being due to the very real fear many felt about attending. But that didn’t stop me, Mr. Rights Activist Extraordinaire! Nor did it stop a casually dressed haredi man from rushing the stage yelling obsenities. For me this event wasn’t only about gay rights. It was about the democratic right to freedom of speech. It was about protecting a discriminated minority. All in all it was a small event. Some transvestites, some MK’s, some authors, some bands. It made me sad: these people don’t pose an existential threat to society! They’re not neo-nazi’s, communists, radical muslims! All they want to do is love someone, and they are hated for it.

As is usually the case with these events, the rally served as a magnet for a wide variety of left-leaning organizations: Amnesty International, B'Tselem, Peace Now, Legalize Marijuana, etc. I was impressed at the number of skull-cap wearing people that showed up. Israel is a wierd place.

Breaking news!

2006-11-09T09:53:00.000Z

Early reports indicate that Geach might not be in Hawaii at all:

Death of a blogger

2006-11-08T22:32:00.000Z

I'm struggling, once more, for stuff to say. I have a problem of context now; Noam is in, for better or for worse, one of the most interesting places in the world right now, and is seeing tension and volatile human relations on a daily basis. I love this new angle that this gives the blog, and I have become romantic about how two good friends can ply their somewhat unorthodox trade in such distant and dissimilar locales, whilst remain in near-instant contact.

The thing is, my own life now appears unimaginably dull! This is particularly noticable at the moment, as I'm unusually focussed on my work. I have a similar problem with my email correspondence with a friend who is currently keeping the peace in Afghanistan. What do you reply to a guy who writes to tell you about the horrors of modern conflict, thousands of miles away from home? Guilt doesn't allow me to retort along the lines of

"You reckon you had a shit day out there? I couldn't get Galform to compile, my IDL root finder is chucking out daft numbers, and Pat's prawn cocktail crisps are now out of date!"

Equally, chatting about being pissed off at the gob-shite upper class tossers I pass on the way to work (how I love to bring out the big shoulder on Church Street at 8.45) isn't quite the same as being on a bus that's being attacked by religious protestors. I might struggle for a while with this. Given that Craig's fantastic explosion of readers for astroshack has lured Geach away from Room311, it is all the more important that the 'Mofos have something to say. Perhaps I should lure Stotty over to provide the daily chat about Radio2!

On other, equally unimportant news: I have Doom 3 for my new Mac. I never thought a computer game would scare me. I was wrong.

Reaction

2006-11-08T14:17:00.000Z

When you open the morning paper and read that the leader of the governing party in a territory no more then a few kilometers away has broadcast these remarks, you feel a bit jaded:

"We will strike in Jaffa, in Haifa, inside Ashdod. The battle will continue. The rifle is not going to be set down. All of us are martyrs in waiting. Revenge is coming. Israel prepare the coffins and black body bags."

Ive come to understand that everything in the israeli-hamas interaction is about punch and coutner punch. no one is ever acting: its always a re-acting. This particular threat was in re-action to botched israeli shells that landed on (mostly) civilian life in gaza, killing 19 people. The israeli shells were in re-action to the continual bombardment of border towns (Sderot, Ashkelon) by home made Qassam rockets, that are fired daily into israel. These rockets are certainly a reaction to something as well (although as their firing was stepped up only after the gaza withdrawl, Im not sure exactly what they are a reaction to). Either way its an unpleasant reminder (as if one was needed) of the situation here.

At least the democrats have taken over the house of reps, and potentially the senate as well. GWB will be a lame duck.

Pulsa Danura: The Whip of Fire

2006-11-07T09:26:00.001Z

The city wide riots have subsided. All that was left at the sight i drove through yesterday was a large black discoloration on the road surface. But the fight isnt over: according to Haaretz, the highest Ultra-Orthodox court has issued a Pulsa Danura - a halakhakic curse of death wherein the cursed dies within a year- on the organizers of the protest (and police who try to protect them). Although viewed by any rational person for what it is: an aramaic hocus pocus akin to witchcraft, the same curse was laid on Yitzak Rabin (during the Oslo negotiations), and Ariel Sharon (during gaza disengagment). I dont mean to lose my scientific head, but look what happened to them! Today and tommorow see a multitude of last ditch legal efforts to halt the parade. But the Open House (the organizers) are standing firm and battling it out in the courts.

Too many stones

2006-11-06T13:53:00.000Z

There is a strech of road that the bus I ride every morning to university goes through. Its a street with 4 or 5 yeshivas (torah schools) on them and the streets' pedestrians are usually orthodox yeshiva-bouchers (rabbi students). On today's journey, I realized the street was slightly more dense than usual. As the bus continued along its route the number of young orthodox men increased and increased as did the shouting. It soon became obvious to me that something was happening. Everyone was looking in a particular direction, yelling, and people were running back and forth. As the bus got to the intersection of Herzl Boulevard (near the entry to Mt Herzl, the military cemetary were all of israel's war dead are burried), it became clear that this position was the centre of action. In this nexus, the orthodox men were screaming at fever pitch. A skip was burning out of control. A policeman, under fire from rocks was quickly dashing for his car. A man standing next to the bus right outside my window seat, picked up a large stone and hurled it straight at the windshield of the police car, which smashed seconds after the cop got in. That alone would have shocked me if it werent for the fact that no less than 3 errant projectiles slammed into the bus itself. Luckily, the bus windows didnt shatter. In fact as these orthodox demonstrators were protesting against the state, it is well possible that instead of being errant, these missiles were directed against the bus (which had no more than 5 people on it) as a symbol of the municipality. The cop in his smashed car made a quick withdrawl, and as the bus sped away, I heard sirens approching. Although I thought my brush with a religious riot was over, by the time we got close to the university, it became clear to me that another demonstration (not riot) was well underway, this time filled with arab protestors as well. The university compound was under high security (probably due to its proximity to the Prime Minister's Offices), and horses, soldiers, cops and firefighters were all over the place.

So what were these protests all about? The one issue that can unequivocally unite arabs and jews: gay pride. After much demonstrating and counter demonstrating, Jerusalem finally issued permits for a Pride March this friday (to be protected by 12,000 policemen). Bear in mind that last year during pride, a demonstrator was stabbed. In response, a few weeks ago a Tel-Aviv synagogue was vandalized by gay "militants" who broke windows and graffittied "if we cant march in jerusalem, you cant pray in Tel Aviv". In the upside down world of the middle east, I finally had my first taste of tension. Well, at least I know what I am going to do next friday.

Beautiful 2 bedroom apartment, roof included.

2006-11-05T10:23:00.000Z

I spent the weekend (again) looking for apartments in Tel Aviv. Im starting to get a feel for what I can get for my money, and have started learning some of the nuances of apartment hunting. For example, all unfurnished apartments come well, unfurnished. By unfurnished I mean no refridgerator, no stove, no oven, no radiators. In fact one flat even came without water pipes (for a potential laundry machine) and I was asked to buy the external electricty cables off the leaving tennant. I also learned that the gas you use to feed your stove, is not connected to a mains, like in europe. Instead, you buy it in baloons and stick it outside your flat. Each home typically owns two baloons at any given time so that when you use up one, you have another to use whilst you re-fill. Im glad at least they dont sell water (or electricity!) this way. I also learned that no apartments copme with heating (not really necessarry). Also if your apartment comes with solar panels for generating electricty, you dont have an electric bill (since its sunny ~80% of the time: the electricty you harness is yours). I saw a myriad of flats ranging from the new development condos (with swimming pool and on the beach) to neu-bau dresden bauhaus. I always find it funny that the greatest german architectural style - The Bauhaus - exists only in Tel Aviv, since the "new" german cities that had been so built (like dresden) were levelled during the war.

On Saturday I had calamari in Jaffo, the arab city south of Tel Aviv that was burned and destroyed by everyone from the phonecians to Napolean.

There are many churches with funny names in Israel. Here's a sample of my favorites:

1. The Church of the Carpentry
2. The Church of the Flagelation
3. The Church of the Dormition (my favorite)
4. The Synagogue-Church (?)
5. The Church of Jesus the Adolescent (particularly interesting since in the bible jesus goes from infant to 33 year old instantaneously)
6. The Church of the condemmnation.

Life: Derailed

2006-11-02T14:54:00.000Z

I come bearing humble apologies for the faithful 'mofos readership. My contributions have all but ceased of late, which I attribute, largely, to the utter derailment of my usual simplistic journey through life. I'll not dwell on why, but rather I shall - to coin a phrase once uttered by a good friend - "stop shitting myself and put on a clean pair of pants". In other words, start blogging again.

I'll start with a moan, it seems appropriate. The arrival of my Mac Pro has forced me to grow up and adopt IMAP email. Yes, all these years I've ploughed on with crappy old POP mail, downloading to my laptop and exposing my digital gonads to the steel-toe-capped boots of disc failure, laptop theft and spilled cups of tea. Well, that has to change - if I want syncronised email across my machines, IMAP it has to be.

Now, accumulating over two years' worth of mail on my iBook leaves me with a big, fat mailbox. Pushing 300Mb actually. This needs to be cleaned at some point, but right now I just want to make the switch and get sorted. So I started moving the mail to the appropriate space on the ITS machines (I'm one of those oddballs who didn't get Alan to forward my mail - having an entire ITS team with shiny machines to deal with my mail seemed smarter at the time than leaving it at the mercy of Alan and a Sun machine older than I am). Anyway, I ran out of space. 200Mb is all they give post-grads. Isn't storage ~ £1 per Gb these days? Woo! 20p of storage. So, I emailed ITS begging for another 100Mb for a few days, and what happens?

"You need to fill in a form"

Why the chuff is that? You know who I am, where I work, and what I want. Now go and sort it out. Anyway, I think this is likely to develop into a Crain vs. ITS saga, so watch this space.

Sorry for the rant. This'll cheer you up:

Finally, a sport for everyone.

Some pros and cons

2006-10-29T16:51:00.000Z

Things I miss from the UK:
1. The world service. To rectify this i need an am radio tuned into 1030 MHz. ָAt the moment I know only of an arab FM channel that broadcasts the world service for 1 hour a day. Despite having signed up for all available BBC podcasts (save the archers, and womans hour) this only provides me with about 45 minutes of radio. Not only that but its inevitably a day late.

2. Queuing. I never thought I would say I miss a good english queue, but here its a fight for survival. People will miss the bus if they dont elbow their way forward. It actually caused me slight convulsions of disbelief a few days ago when I foundmyself part of an eastern european scrum for the bus.

3. Acceptability of (over) drinkning. Not that I often partook in the binge drinking culture of the UK (events at Chase and Jimmy's aside), but it was quite nice to go for a pint after work with my mates. Not only that but the beer was more than a few percent.

4. Pork products (as explained in previous blogs): Bacon, salami, Prosciutto, Jambon, Serrano, belly pork, ribs, etc.

5. Shaun and Carlos. No explanation needed.

Things I dont miss from the UK.

1. Quality of living. England is EXPENSIVE. Not only that but the quality of life is relaitvely low. Buying nice food is expensive. Here its cheap. For 10 quid i can buy nice shopping for a week.

2. Going out. In the durham going out is usually a mix of 50 year-old unsophisticated (and frankly embarassing) binge drinkers with far too much unnecesarry flesh on display, and poncy students who think they own the world. The crowd here is calm, relaxed, trendy, and cool. And night life continues past 11.

3. Aggression. Besides the fact that israel is in a state of perpetual war, Israeli people are completely un-aggressive. No one screams at you, theres no shouting from drunkards, no street brawls (like i witnessed daily outside the angel). When people get drunk they laugh, instead of fighting and causing stress

4. The plumbing. Despite being arid and located in a dessert, Israel has mixer taps. Not scalding my face when I wash up at night is a refreshing reintroduction to the modern world.

5. Compitent public transport. Depsite being less than 1/4 of the size of britain, its refreshing to have public transport which functions totally effectively. The buses run on a schedule (of sorts) and are fast and cheap. The trains are comfortable, seldom delayed and also good value for money.

Homus v Gouda

2006-10-26T14:04:00.000Z

The weekend is here. It feels slightly wierd saying that on a thursday, but then again people on North road celebrate the weekend on thursday, so I guess its not that wierd.

I now have a bonfide hebrew univeristy email account. Im starting to feel more and more like permanent fixture.

An intersting element of israeli society, is that they have quite a low uneployment rate. Everyone works. This means that when I get up at 10 and hop on the bus at 1030, the bus is empty. COMPLETELY empty. Me and the bus driver. For 30 minutes today he picked up one person. I almost felt like i had my own chaffeur. Except it was a bus.

There are a vairety of small challenges that a different cuisine presents. For example, people in Israel (as people in spain or italy) eat their major meal at lunch. This inevitably means a longer lunch break plus a longer digestion time. This allows you to work longer and eat a small dinner. Coming from Europe, this is upside down and it takes a while to get used to it: no quick sandwhich at the desk! Another small but difficult challenge is the lack of continental cheese. Parmigianno cheese, a crucial ingredient in many pastas (which make up at least 60% of my culinary repertoire) is not easy to come by. Most of the cheeses sold in israel are soft. Cheddar, camembert, gargonzolla, and pecorino sardo arent easy to find. Needless to say, prosciutto, jambon and serano are as difficult to find as good homus is in england. The wine is overwhelmingly from the Carmel valley (not exactly burgundy!) and imported wine is double the price. Plus few people actually drink wine with dinner (for the afore mentioned reason that dinner is a minimalistic affair).

At least the olive oil is virgin and and mayonnaise, Hellman.

Settling into the med

2006-10-24T13:23:00.000Z

Here in the mediterranean things work differently. 1230 means 1245. Cell phone use is tollerated everywhere (classrooms, in the middle of conversations). Lunch lasts 2 hours. The lager is 4 %. Schedules exits, but are flexible.

Television is particularly interesting: Israeli politcs talk shows are a jumble of arguments (which I cant understand). There is no moderator and the panel members interrupt eachother every few seconds. He with the loudest voice and most ferocious tone wins the debate. The stations I get on my little cable box are a mix of turkish soaps, egyptian game shows and expat channels. ESPN shows rodeo. Eurosport airs drag racing. The premiership is viewed as the ultimate in football: English commentators can be heard in the background, behind the russian ones (why dont they just mute the english?) while subtitles in Hebrew line the screen.

Despite being here for all of 4 days, my boss has already enlisted my support in drafting a grant proposal. Although this appears to be a minor task, I'm sure it will actually be quite tough seening as I have no experience in the subject. I still have not aquired a bonafide email address, but that may equally be due to my nostalgia rather than IT incompetance. Although perhaps it is also a reminder that here things work slower. What amazes me is the resourcefullness of the israelis. They have turned a barren wasteland into a fruitful country with little help from the outside world. Since it is harder to obtain high performance computing here, they manage by writing smart algorithms to solve the problems they are interested in. Whereas my lakadasical coding style was acceptable when I had 512 processors to use, here I must be much more efficient. This in itself will be a challenge.

Toto Revival: For Shame

2006-10-23T14:37:00.000Z

Yes, it's true. Am back to coding, having submitted the paper finally to MNRAS in addition to astro-ph. Both events surely rank among the most stressful events of my life. Anyway, my renewed exploits in the Codeville permit a return to immersing myself in music (Nozbo, I am however remaining vigilant to your covert "poking" attacks).

I'm afraid I have relapsed into listening to Toto. They really are the cheesiest rock band ever, and by some margin. This notwithstanding, some of the tunes are God-damn-unstoppably-groovetastic. I've had a real job to avoid singling along.

Faint echo on Durham's social radar

2006-10-22T19:09:00.000Z

Thank God (or whoever is prayed to where you are, particularly now that we have an international feel) that Noam has kept things ticking over. I've just dropped off the radar over the last fortnight, and am hoping to that this post will signal a shift in the trend.

It's been a difficult couple of weeks for many reasons (losing to Cosmic, the stress of paper finishing and submission, dealing with arseholes i.e. estate agents), generally feeling ill and SAD-ridden), but they've not been without their reward. Firstly, as Jim pointed out, I have a new toy (I went straight for the Nelsonic "Victory" as my machine name) and I also have a paper that I hope will appear on astro-ph tomorrow morning. Sadly it still hasn't reached MNRAS as their upload system keeps shafting me, but I hope to resolve immediately I reach the office tomorrow. Also, I spent the weekend in Lincoln with the family, which is always a nice way to forget astronomy, do some cooking, drag my dad to the pub to watch the Saturday lunchtime football, and catch up with my old buddy Sam.

So what now? Well, the football season is underway - must get fit - and the arrival of the new toy means that I am duty bound to devote some time to dalsim. I feel a meal coming on, and some port. Craig, Jim, what see ye?

Enforced Relaxation

2006-10-22T12:03:00.001Z

Perhaps one of the strangest things about being in a country of jews is that the weekend is pushed forward one day. On thursday afternoon, people wrap up work and say "see you sunday". I dont think I have ever said that before now. Sunday comes and sure enough everything is back to normal. The tenacity with which the sabbath is observed reminds me of sunday in bavaria. NOTHING is open. Buses dont run from friday 5ish to saturday 6ish. Telephones arent used. Streets are empty. Restaurants and cafes closed. Most christians who live in israel go to church services on saturday since this is the day of rest.

This seemingly fundamentalist aprouch has its advantages: my girlfriend is always telling me how one day a week people should be forced to relax. How in the west the "rat-race" mentality to life, career, family, etc. is feuled by the lack of value placed on being forced to rest your mind from your daily grind. Certainly the lack of activity has this effect. However some of us like to relax with a sunday paper and a coffee: with all stores closed it aint easy to buy these necesarry tools.

Jerusalem is definitely a strange place. Arabs speak hebrew to eachother. Greek Orthodox priests with long gray beards and black robes listen to ipods. Russian is heard almost as much as hebrew (imagine: Israel was a country of 5 million in 1994. Now it is 6.5 million. All of this growth is attruibuted to new immagrants from the former USSR). Black "fallusha" ethiopian jews listen to israeli hip hop and dress like ganstas from compton. At least 80% of men wear some form of head covering (usually this is like a religious ID: the orthodox wear fedora's the chasidm shorter hats. Conservatives small, usually, colourful skull caps. Yeminites wear large ones, arabs wear white ones, etc.). Learnging what the distinction between all these different groups is will surely take some time.

You gotta weapon?

2006-10-19T13:16:00.000Z

I have been in land of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; Sarah, Rachel and Miriam; Jesus, John and James for exactly 24 hours. The mediterrenean climate was the first thing to smite me like the plagues smote pharoah. 33 degrees in October? My sweater, and jacket were promptly put away before I got to the end of the airplane gang way. The Lord himself must have wanted to deliver me from the diaspora with a sweat taste in my mouth since when I checked into my flight at Newcastle airport at 445 am, the BA check in lady said to me: "Mr Libeskind, it appears that you have been randomly selected for an upgrade to business class." To my delight I asked her why, and the longer she spent trying to figure it out the more I felt that she would soon discover her mistake and demote me back to slave class. So I quickly shrugged off the enquiry with a "oh never mind", and enjoyed the perks of "random selection" (for once i felt like one of those privaledged dm particles that makes it into the dot plot).

I arived at my student-esque apartment on Guatemala street in the evening. My apartment is in a student flat that would normally house 6 students in 3 bedrooms, but as a post-doc my space is more respected? The empty space is completely wasted, although for less than 200 quid a month (with 75 quid subsidized by my fellowship) I feel for once in my life i can waste real estate space. Needless to say there isnt a housing shortage in Jerusalem.

As I awoke this morning I noticed an Uzi-carrying guard decked out in black guarding my apartment building. Whats the correct ettiquette with which I adress this man? I mean, from my time in New York, I know you raise your eye brows and smile to a janitor, say a full "Hello" to a doorman, a "Hello, thank you" to some one who opens the door for you, and maybe even a "have a nice day" to the concierge of a hotel. But not only do I not want to distract the guard who is protecting my building from multiple immanent suicide attacks, with an insignificant acknowledgement of his presence, but Im also totally petrified by the question "You gotta weapon?" he asks me every time I enter the building. Actually this question is one of the few sentences I have learned in hebrew (together with "Ani lo medaber Ivrit" - I dont speak Hebrew) since it is asked ALL the time. Upon entering a bank, the university, my house, a supermarket, the bus station: its always asked before a quick check of your bag and a wave of a wand. So many people are armed in this country that it reminds me of what mafia torn sicily must have looked like in the days of Vito Corleone.

And thats not the only similarity with sicily. trying to open a bank account this morning was an equally unpleasent exercise in beurocracy and how needless it is. In short: I arrive at the bank (with all the relevant documents). I spot the manager and ask him how i open an acount. He points me in the directions of some desks with some people congregating around them. After waiting for some time I get my chance with the woman behind the desk who sends me upstairs to talk to the manager, who sends me downstairs again. I quickly learn that the congregation of people mulling around the desks (resembling a FOF group with a linking length of 10) is in fact some sort of queue, yet without any priority given to anyone. At first, my british ettiquette gets the better of me and I try to stand in line, patiently waiting my turn. I make a mental note of who is there before me and who arrives afterwards. However, it becomes quickly appearent to me that the loose congregation of a queue more closely resembles the darwinian struggle for survival, as people are blatantly pushed aside. Soon I realize that if I dont grow a brain (and some muscle) I will go the way of brontosaurus. As someone gets up from the table, I grab the seat pulling it from under the disgruntled hasidic family of 7 who tried to get there first (I noted however that they entered the bank a good 20 minutes after myself). Finally I have the teller to myself who makes me sign on the dotted line for 30 minutes (I signed my name 41 times and initialled paragraphs 16 times, without having any idea what i was doing). So now I have a bank account. The hassidic family alas didnt survive as the bank closed and since they hadnt a teller they were escorted out. Thats the darwinian nature of israeli beurocracy!

Ultimate Dinner Party

2006-10-10T21:27:00.000Z

Cliche, cliche, I know, I know. Bugger it. So - who would I invite to my ultimate dinner party? I'd love to hear Noam's views on this one too. Anyway, here goes:

1. Gordon Ramsay.

Ramsay's approach to his profession embodies everything that I want to, but alas cannot, bring to my own. He's utterly committed and fantastically skilled - and expects everyone around him to be the same. I'd love to be in that position but lack the drive and talent. I can swear as well as he can, mind. I just hope he wouldn't berate my sausage pie.

2. Richard Farleigh

From BBC2's awesome "Dragon's Den", Farleigh is a businessman with talent like Gordon Ramsay's, a similar ruthlessness in his operation, yet he's also a bloody nice guy. Even when facing utter morons, he politely declines to invest rather than taking Theo Paphitis' approach - rant like a mindless autocrat. I think Richard would win extra brownie points by bringing a fine bottle of port.

3. Terry Wogan

Wogan makes me feel happpy about the world, which is perhaps the most important quality anyone can possess. For years, I merrily faced cold mornings thanks to Tel's cheery banter on Radio2. His wit is scandalously underrated, and he would be the joker at the table, I'm sure. Although if he pulls out a bucket full of change for Children In Need, I'll deny him pudding. There's a time and a place, Tel...

4. Jeremy Paxman

For the serious table chat, Jeremy would be the centre of attention. I love Paxman because, like Ramsay, he's the ultimate professional and doesn't suffer fools gladly. I bet he has some great banter about political scandals. I'd have to be on my toes though - one intellectual error and I'd be toast.

5. Vice-Admiral Horatio Nelson, 1st Viscount Nelson, KB

Time to bring out my big gun. Nelson, Britain's - nay, the world's - greatest hero, would be honoured with the seat at the head of my table (not that there's much room around it). I'd probably spend most of the night chatting to Nelson about his days in the navy - not that he'd want to discuss tactics: "go straight for 'em". I'd also ensure that the condiments were kept at the other end of the table, so he'd need to "trouble you for the salt". I'd need to discover what's in grog before the party - I wouldn't want a mutiny on my hands.

6. Jane Seymour

Eek, not much gender balancing - I'll try to rectify it. Jane would not doubt provide interesting chat about Roger Moore's ways, and her days on "Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman". Interesting that previous Bond, Sean Connery, played the "Medicine Man" in the film of the same name. Anyway, I fancy Jane so she might be ideal for drawing my attention away from Nelson.

7. Bill Murray

Oh how Bill and I could natter - what was it like to film Ghostbusters, has he seen Scarlett Johansson's bottom, etc, etc? I'd be worried what'd happen if he and Wogan got carried away, but it'd be worth it. If I ate my dinner too quickly, I'm sure he'd say to "chew your food".

8. P.J.E. Peebles

So, I had to have an astronomer in there (although I think he calls himself a theoretical physicist - fair play, he's done it all). Jim Peebles is the nicest guy you might ever wish to meet. Humble as pie, sharp as a razor, I treasure the half-hour chat that Nic Ross and I enjoyed with him in Durham Castle as the highlight of my scientific enlightenment. I think he'd quietly steal the show at the party, guiding everyone's attention to the ultimate question mankind currently faces: "what -is- lambda?" I'd give my right arm to work for him.

So - that's far more people than can fit in my kitchen, so I'd better stop there. I'm eager to know who everyone else would have round for tea, and what people think of my choices. Do tell!

Trees are ruining my life.

2006-10-09T14:44:00.000Z

Not the kind you find in arboretums (arboretae?) mind, I'm talking about the kind of tree you'd use to compute a potential via hierarchical multipole expansion. Sadly it's much harder to write the code than say hierarchical multipole expansion, which gives you a flavour of why I'm so miserable right now (in addition to the usual complaints).

So, I'm looking for any excuse to sack off work - here's a great one. Stotty just reminded me about Jane Seymour in "Live and Let Die" [here]. Well, I'm a big fan of the lovely Jane, so here's a picture of her looking rather tasty:

I wonder if she fancies becoming the official mascot of OC320?

More skullbloggery

2006-10-04T15:02:00.000Z

In a shameless attempt to reignite interest in Dalsim, which has necessarily fallen off the radar recently - Craig and I are finishing papers, Jim has been writing telescope proposals - I have moved the lifeless excerpts from my Dalsim pictorial history webpage into...you guessed it, a BLOG! Check it out [here].

Don't expect the daily deluge that iccmofos, astroshack and room311 currently provide, just an occasional update on code progress, and news of forthcoming sponsorship deals ;-). For added geekiness, I've got an RSS feed (God I love RSS) on there. So if Natalie sends us that photo, you'll know right away!

Con, sonar - crazy Ivan!

2006-09-30T17:06:00.000Z

Apologies for the recent down-time, it seems Blogger wiped us out for a bit, but a quick republish seems to have resurrected us.

So, Nic Ross and I hit London during the week for a media course at the Royal Society. I'd strongly recommend this course to my fellow science bods - they seem to be run every couple of months. It was nice to be taught by a real pro - Judith Hann (best known for Tomorrow's World) - and also get into discussion with other scientists. Climate change seems to be the zeitgeist, but Nic and I certainly got quizzed heavily about what's going on in astroville.

We had some spare time on Tuesday so headed over to the Royal Observatory to get nostalgic. Sadly Nic and I are crap navigators and, having got lost, arrived 5mins too late to be admitted. Here's an ironic photographic testimony, which you can click for a zoomtastic taste of chronological humour:

All was not lost. Firstly, the observatory affords this awesome view of the Canary Wharf district:

Also, Nic cajoled me into convincing the warden at the observatory that we were close friends of the Astronomer Royal (we didn't mention which one). Amazingly this worked and we were allowed to sneek in for a quick snap across the meridian:

Jesus I need to lose some weight. Anyway, the time not spent in the R.O. was spent, much to Nic's chagrin, at the Cutty Sark whereupon I delivered my best Captain Jack Aubrey lines (much talk of not having a moment to lose, excellent seamanship, best of two weevils etc). Sadly Nic's appreciation of my JA doesn't equal Jim's.

Enough rambling - we also met up with ex-mofo Dr. Rich Whitaker, drank mojitos, and narrowly avoided boogying in Soho's gayest nightclub. On the way home we discovered a mutual love of "The Hunt For Red October" and proceeded to annoy fellow travellers with lines from the film.

Anyone want to own a Hitler?

2006-09-26T17:20:00.000Z

Needless to say the auctioning of Hitler's water colors in a sleepy cornish town, has made my blood boil (http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/767394.html). Why would someone pay 5000£ of good money for a mediocre painting by a failed artist who invested his napolean complex into fantasies of world wide domination and mass murder? This is beyond me.

Carlton has suggested that soon I will lose my rights to an ICC desk. This has made me sad in so many ways.

Rob is in London with Nicolas Ross being educated on speaking about science in public, or something. Hence I have no one to remind me that its coffee time and have missed or arived too late to coffee today. Needless to say the lack of afternoon and mid-morning caffiene and socialisation has discombobulated by constitution.

Immensely cool

2006-09-24T10:51:00.000Z

I really wish I'd taken this photo. It's the International Space Station and the shuttle Atlantis shortly after they undocked, while they transited the Sun last Sunday. Really nice stuff. Clicky [here] for big pic.

Goodbye Tomcat

2006-09-22T13:47:00.000Z

Forgive my nerdyness, but today is the end of an era, for the US Navy officially retires the F14 Tomcat from service today. The F14 is the coolest aircraft the Americans have ever produced - not even Tom Cruise could tarnish its coolness.

I propose a Top Gun themed visit to the pub after work so Jim and I can recite lines from the film.

My cosmic order

2006-09-19T08:25:00.000Z

Thanks to Stotty for drawing my attention to Cosmic Ordering, the solution to the world's problems [here]. I'm about to shout my order out of the OC320 window (Geach will probably hear it over in third-world-astroville). But in case the cosmos isn't listening but does have an RSS feed, here goes. Dear Cosmos, I'd like:

1. A Mercedes SLK
2. A MacPro, preferably with the ATI video card, and 4Gb of RAM.
3. A signed photo of Natalie from French Maid TV.

No rush Mr. Cosmos. You can deal with Stotty's seeing first.

Needs no comment

2006-09-15T22:02:00.000Z

Outrageous Calculations

2006-09-14T14:51:00.000Z

Having discovered that by 2060 we'll be able to simulate the entire visible Universe at solar mass resolution (if Moore's Law holds), I started wondering:

1) How much storage would it need? Assuming each particle had 8 variables at 8 bytes each, Craig, John Helly and I reckoned 45 zettabytes. (4.5x10**22 bytes).
2) If you used a stack of 300Gb hard disks, how big would it have to be? Well, if they're an inch thick then it'd reach to the Moon and back 5 times.

John also thought that if it were held on Commodore 64 tapes, the cardboard box required to store them under your bed would be 24km on a side. I hope therefore that USB keyrings continue to foster a miniturisation in data storage technology.

Philosophiæ Doctor

2006-09-13T17:23:00.000Z

Despite my relapse in navel-gazing over the summer, I feel it is my duty (if not my pleasure) to mantain co-authorship of thsi blog whilst I am still in druham. Alas, soon I will no longer be an ICCmofo and will have turned into a JlemGeordie. So whilst my residence continues to be da ICC I will continue my introspection.

As news travels fast in small places, most of you reading this will know that I am now a Pretty Huge Daddy. With my viva finished and my corrections all but accepted, the time is fast approuching when i must bid this small medeval town farewell. The truth is that besides having what feels like a HUGE burden lifted from my shoulders, life is pretty much the same as pre doc. Im still not used to the title (although I doubt that I - unlike condoleeza rice - will ever make explicit use of it). I'm glad its all over, and im glad I no longer have to deal with the manic depression of a Phd. The phenomenal success contrasting the life-sucking failures. Unfortunately, the segmentation faults, the floating point exceptions, the Killed messages are not over, but at least now I can feel more ambivolent about them.

Now that I am a philospher I am going to go home and philosophize.

Cogito Ergo Sum?

2006-09-13T10:45:00.000Z

Pah! It's not about *thinking* Rene dear boy, it's about other people thinking of your work. For today, September 13th 2006, I have officially come into scientific existence.

Why? I have received my first scientific citation! WOOOOOOOO! OK, a couple of caveats to calm the detractors:

1) It's to a paper that not yet submitted (blame my boss, not me - it was pseudo-ready in May)
2) I was cited by a collaborator. One that works in the same building. Yes, ok, it was Ian - who is perpetually helpful.

But nonetheless I feel like I have made my contribution and no longer need to bear guilt. I'm off to live like Oliver Reed now. Check out the first page here:

http://arxiv.org/abs/astro-ph/0609314

A change of career

2006-09-06T20:55:00.000Z

Noam received his ballot for the New York primary elections today. Displeased with the choices for head of the civil judiciary, he opted to nominate me for the role. Thanks Noam! I'll be waiting for NYC to get in touch - I need an exit strategy, especially after Dave Alexander made it clear today in his seminar that decent astronomy jobs are so hotly contested.

Along such lines, I keep urging myself to buy a MacPro and train myself in the ways of creative IT. Maybe I can make music videos and hang with cool people and hot chicks. I suspect it wouldn't work out though, as I'd get bored of them all saying "what a bangin' choon" the latest video is for, when clearly it's some R&B drivel or shitty hip-hop. Now, if they'd had MacPros in the 70s/80s (and I was born 30 years earlier), imagine what I could have done for KC and the Sunshine Band and the likes of Duran Duran. I could have CGI'd the "Rio" video onto a much cooler yacht. Or a man-o-war: something that looked like HMS Victory, except covered in supermodels. Jesus, I'm giving my ideas away - I reckon Will Young might go for something like that. Although he might want male models and I don't think I could put my heart into a project like that.

Jesus H Christ, where the hell have I gone with this post? Better think about galaxies again for a while.

A week behind...

2006-09-03T10:52:00.000Z

A couple of busy weeks have really stopped the blog in its tracks, and I have no idea where Noam is these days so he's unlikely to contribute. So, I'll try to catch up.

Last weekend we played host to Kat's Dad, Nan, and sister. We hopped over to Newcastle to check the usual haunts, and had a great laugh in the Baltic when we were allowed to invade Surasi Kusolwong's wacky...erm..."art", which essentially meant riding mini-motorbikes around an art gallery:

That's about it really....just been working since then. Boring eh? To be honest, I can't be honest blogging today because I've just discovered a goldmine of awesome podcasts and rss feeds, and I've sat here watching the net like an automaton. I'll try to be more interesting soon.

The pros and cons of headphones

2006-08-24T13:56:00.000Z

The best thing about headphones is the complete level of detachment from the that they afford the user. I've been lost in a world of music all day, and have got loads of code written today. Great! Well done cans.

The worst thing about headphones is the complete level of detachment from the that they afford the user. Whilst merrily coding away, Norris entered my office without a care for covert action, strolled up behind me utterly undetected and jabbed me in the ribs. Cruelly torn from my own world, I shot bolt upright, adrenaline rushing through my veins and produced some serious expletive action.

I guess this is justice on me, since for several days now I've mused to myself about how easy it would be to unleash similar cruelty on Jim2, who not only wears cans but keeps his office door open and sits facing away from it....

Residential Vigilante

2006-08-22T07:32:00.000Z

Those of you living around Claypath / The Sands may have noticed that new flats are being built behind Ruth First House. This is creating havoc near my house as zillions of lorries and heavy plant (YES! I got to use 'heavy plant' in a post) are trundling up and down my tiny street all day. Literally *all* day, they never seem to stop.

Last night I got home to find a note through the door from some neighbours who are hacked off with it all - they were having a meeting! Sadly I couldn't go because of football training, so I may have missed my chance to fight the good fight against the evil corporation (building company).

Things ratched up a gear this morning though, 0755hrs to be precise, as a lorry began reversing up the street. This is pretty noisy anyway, but obviously the lorry also had a reversing "beep" sounding too. Suddenly, the neighbour who organised last night's meeting stuck his head out of his bedroom window and began gobbing off at the lorry driver about the beeping, specifically he was pissed that it was before 8am. The lorry driver retorted in typical lorry driver fashion (sorry to any lorry drivers out there) and carried on reversing. Incensed by this ignorance, the neighbour remained at the window screaming "you're breaking the law! You. Are. Breaking. The. LAW!"

Of course, he ended up making more noise than the lorry, but I *love* this guy. He's a classic underdog and he's fighting for a noble cause. I hate this building development more than most, and were it not for my chronic apathy and inate cowardice I'd offer to be his sidekick.

Nutters

2006-08-16T14:09:00.000Z

OK, sorry for jumping on the band-wagon that John and Craig have been peddling of late, but this is such an awesome find that I have to share it.

http://www.raptureletters.com

The jist is this: come the "rapture", those who believe in the divinity of Jesus of Nazareth will be whisked off to heaven...presumably to live the high-life with the Almighty and avoid things like writing halo morphology software. But what if you're one of Jesus' pals? Surely there are messages you need to send to people whose names aren't on the list? A great big "f*ck you" to members of other religions / agnostics / atheists? Or a more friendly "miss you" to old non-believing friends?

No problem: this guy has set up a server that will fire off any emails you want sending to people come your big moment. As a believer, obviously he'll be with you (formatting the Holy Ghost's broken PC, maybe?) so he has a "dead man switch", much like that computer in that "Lost" program on Channel4. The first Friday after the rapture, the emails will fire off. AWESOME THINKING. Except...

1) What if he forgets or gets hit by a bus? Do all of your mortal enemies get their slating a -little- but too early? Will your mum think you've been taken away when in fact you're probably at the pub?

2) What if power stations are manned by an unusually high proportion of Christians? If the rapture comes, we might find the juice turning off and those messages might lie dormant on a disk for all time!

3) What if he uses XP!? You can't rely on that bad-boy working without someone to kick the server now and again...

Sail hoy, two points off the starboard bow

2006-08-09T10:16:00.000Z

Dear readers,

A fleeting apology for my prolonged absence. Following the excitment of the conference (the Shanks' speech, chatting with PJEP, watching the astro ladies' men do their worst - oh yes Ross and Geach, Nozbo has filled me in), and also having been working like a prisoner of war for months (with jack-shit productivity), I decided enough was enough. I'm taking a few days off to chill.

When I get back, I hope to unleash a Ramsay-esque explosion of awesomeness. DALSIM will get finished, my paper will get submitted, and I'll do loads of work.*

By the way, I sacked off Othello, it was crap. I read Master & Commander instead, and it was great. I'm off to buy the second in the series today (there are 20 in total!). Expect some capital seamanship upon my return to HMS Ogden. Huzzah!

Rob

* - Might not be true.

the conference is in full swing

2006-08-01T15:19:00.000Z

There are few pleasures for the monastic style life of the theoretical cosmologist: finding that bug in your code, obtaining some results that are new, giving a talk and answering Simon White so that he doesnt laugh at you... today seeing P.J.E Peebles (of CMB, galactic spin, and countless book fame) give his talk was one of them. Although I dont think many of us fully understood the meaning of his last "anomoly", hearing his take on Einstein-deSitter's correspondance, his interpretation of the anthropic principle and his justification of LCDM was a priviladge and a pleasure. I dont want to advocate group - think, but when he says LCDM, I say "Halelujiah".

Numptey boy Ross lived up to his repuatation and gave agreat talk as well: congrats nick!!

Almost as awesome as Dalsim

2006-07-23T15:49:00.000Z

I bought Pink Floyd's live "Pulse" DVD yesterday. So, it goes without saying that the music in it is mind bogglingly good (I have the CD anyway), but whoever does the stage lighting / visuals for the Floyd's live sets is one smart cookie.

Just thought I'd say.

Sheer panic and relentless agony

2006-07-21T19:50:00.000Z

I made myself a rather nice dish for dinner this evening....I had pasta with chilli crab and vodka. It went rather well, I think. Then, a short while after I finished, I started to feel a wee bit tired and rubbed my eyes.

Thus introducing a lot of red chilli into my eyeball.

I've not felt pain like it. I ran around like a chicken being chased by a farmer trying to wring its neck. Fortunately Kat's quick thinking saved the day by washing the chilli out, which quickly took away the pain, but for a short while I thought I might die.

I can't be arsed to photograph it, so here's a schematic:

Murky view from OC320 this morning...

2006-07-20T08:25:00.000Z

Guess that's summer over then! At least the coming of winter signals one good thing - better telly. I've actually started watch tv again, mainly thanks to new series of the following:

1) The F-Word - I still want to be the Gordon Ramsay of astronomy.
2) Top Gear - the environment's all well and good, but without sports cars we have no soul
3) Tribe - I love that Bruce guy. He's the Gordon Ramsay of living with Tribes. And he's nails.
4) Big Cat Diary - big cats are cool. Especially baby cheetahs. I think my favorites are leopards though. They *could* go and mercilessly kill anything on the plains, but prefer to lounge around in trees.

Forget the World Cup

2006-07-19T09:00:00.000Z

For the year's most important football game took place yesterday. Yes, Astro and Cosmic finally played their inter-departmental 5-a-side game, with Astro looking to find some consolation for what has been a disappointing season, and exact revenge on Cosmic for their 2-1 win last season. I must confess to having lost sleep over the skillful nutmeg Ray Sharples subjected me to with his last minute winner some twelve months ago. I wanted them to suffer.

The teams lined up: Astro (Harker, Davies, Crain, Swinbank, Angulo), Cosmic (Schurch, Ross, Bielby, Harrison, Brown, Wake, Middleton). Cosmic's larger squad offering an early psychological advantage as Astro pondered whether, without regular Eke, their fitness might last the distance in a sweltering Maiden Castle sports hall.

Astro struck early. Angulo's 3 blistering goals in the first few minutes threatened to kill the game, but plucky play by Brown earnt Cosmic 2 goals of their own to resurrect the game just before half-time. With Cosmic stealing the initiative, they turned the screw by introducing Wake's fresh legs. Astro, looking tired, turned to Italian tactics and shut up shop. Cosmic found no answers to this more stoic defensive approach, and with a final throw of the dice introduced Middleton. As the clock ticked Cosmic must have hoped their subs' energy might steal them something, but with seconds to play Angulo showed why he's Astro's top hitman, and rounded the diving Schurch for a tap-in that earnt Astro a 4-2 victory and brought bragging rights back to the Ivory Towers of the ICC for the next twelve months. Football has indeed come home.

EDIT: As Ross (Cosmic, Durham) pointed out in the comments, I forgot to mention that Cosmic had an equaliser disallowed. In my defence, I think this was a fair omission since there was never any doubt of the illegality of the "goal", thus rendering the incident a non-event. To clarify: Cosmic were awarded a free kick with Astro 3-2 up, but it was taken some two yards forward of the correct position, with the ball still moving. Whilst Brown (Cosmic)(EDIT: Ross, not Brown - apologies) fired the ball home beautifully from the laid-off free-kick, the sheer audacity of the attempt to gain an unfair advantage resulted in much mirth from the Astro players and the referee, and no attempt was made to challenge the ball.

The boys are back in town...

2006-07-12T13:16:00.000Z

...well actually, the boy is back on the blog. Noam has disappeared off the blogging map, I'm concerned that the 'mofos is becoming my personal crusade.

Anyway, apologies for the radio silence. I was away this weekend visiting the family in Lincoln - my sister threw a huge party for my brother-in-law's 40th, which was great fun. Since then I've been continually frustrated by a) the refusal of GADGET-2 to work on seemingly acceptable initial conditions and b) the worrying and seemingly chronic lack of communication speed on the new Opteron machine. Having fixed a) by accident, I'm hoping that Sun are going to sort b), but I'm not holding my breath.

On the positive side, Dalsim has received an official vote of support from Carlos (I can almost smell money coming our way), and I have finally got round to looking at RSS, which is my new favourite toy when combined with the gorgeous "Newsfire" for Mac.

Head

2006-07-05T08:36:00.000Z

I'm becoming observant in the mornings. For today I noticed a disturbance...something was *wrong* with Durham. I realised quickly what was wrong. The bronze head (of Sir Ove Arup, architect of Dunelm House and Kingsgate bridge) is missing!

Here's what it looks like, in case you find it under a bush or something. Don't be scared, I don't think it's evil, in spite of its appearance.

Conspiracy theories abound...term has just ended, has a wicked student whipped it away as a memento of their time in Durham? Have those tramps that hang around Dunelm House swiped it? Maybe that crazy dude with the huge moustache and afro that you always see in town has it? Or maybe DSU has just moved it while there are builders in the vicinity...

Not in my back yard....

2006-07-04T14:51:00.000Z

...or more specifically, not on my -street-. I walked out of the house this morning only to find this insult to engineering outside.

You generally don't see that many ratcars in Durham, which I attribute to its reassuring lack of pikeys (in the city centre at least). Anyway, can anybody find a more hilariously ratted car? Extra points for removed manufacturers badges, multiple exhausts and Kenwood stickers.

The thesis is finished and now I have nothing to do...

2006-06-29T14:34:00.000Z

God, how I wish that was true. When your an undergrad and you finish your exams: BAM! the next day your off gulping down pints, dancing half naked in the streets, singing songs of glorious accomplishment. After I submitted yesterday I felt quite happy but this morning its back to square one. Well maybe not square one, maybe square two. The point is however, that I have LOADS to do. I have a project Im working on with some people from Bonn, I have to prepare a lecture for the Birmingham conference, I have to prepare talks for when I go to California, I have projects with the millenium I can work on, etc etc etc. There is no end in sight, no vacation, no respite from these hallowed halls, no break from the leviathan, the ever-hungry diluvium swamping ones life; no light at the end of the chunnel tunnel, no tip of no iceberg, no siesta for tapas eating hombres, no half time in the world cup of astronomy, no borg regeneration, no time outs, no sleep.

In fact its about time i get to work.

The only benefit is that the time bomb in the back of my head has been defused.

It's Gordon. GOR-DON. I'm not your fooking MATE.

2006-06-28T20:47:00.000Z

Geachy's timely move into the Ferens Ghetto has gifted me with a new telly - the picture is much better than my old one and it has audio output, so I can pipe the noise into my hi-fi. Consequently I can listen to Gordon Ramsay say the word f*ck at 140dB now that "The F Word" is back on Channel 4. Don't expect to see me on Wednesday nights anymore, for I suspect my love of cooking is about to return...

Yet another thesis from OC320...

2006-06-28T20:38:00.000Z

Many congrats to Noam who submitted his thesis to the grad school today - look how happy he is:

Awesome hat. Hopefully he'll now have enough time on his hands to write something on here.

Estimated time to next OC320 thesis? Don't hold your breath.

Travels

2006-06-28T20:19:00.000Z

Dear readers...a thousand apologies for the quiet times on the 'mofos. Hopefully this'll make up for it. Was away over the weekend in Shropshire - lovely place, lots of peace and quiet, lots of hills, and lots of beer. Tuesday was spent in London back at the House of Commons with other winners (that's right *winners* - some people are born that way ho ho ho) from the science competition. Met some nice, clever people who do interesting work (I'll never think of mucus in quite the same way again), and was relieved to discover that even among fellow scientists the words "I'm a cosmologist" draw hilariously misplaced respect. If only they knew...

More Street Fighter II related antics...and other stuff too.

2006-06-23T07:34:00.000Z

My better half recently pointed out that some old Uni pals of hers once acted out and photographed the SFII endings. We found them on the web - I think you'll enjoy them, click here to check them out. Nice to see that there are lower-tech people than us out there still.

On other news, StalkCounter continues to amuse - Noam's rant about the role of rabbits in the story of Christ's resurrection drew a lot of hits last week, and Nic Ross has clearly been following our lives while he's at the World Cup. Also of note, in spite of eschewing the general astronomy community and living in their own "wing" (ghetto?), it seems a small band of renegades from the instrumentation group are also following our cause to solve the Universe. I'm not sure that older members of Durham's astronomy community would approve of such non-separatist behaviour...

STREET FIGHTER II TOURNAMENT

2006-06-21T13:09:00.000Z

***** CALLING EVERYONE *****

Craig and I have proposed that we have a Street Fighter II tournament, in honour of the foundation of the Dhalsim Movement (the Dalsim* development team + friends). Only problem is we need a SuperNES and a copy of the game. Does anybody have these?

Anyway - would anyone be interested? If so we'll do our best to acquire the machine and game and we'll have a draw etc.

* Dalsim is now officially an acronym for Dynamic Analysis for Large SIMulations. Hope that clears the confusion.

A pointless calculation

2006-06-20T09:27:00.000Z

I'm an expert in pointless calculations - I perform millions of them everyday, usually because I've screwed up a parameter file. I made one by hand today though, and it was catalysed by Jim1. He walked into OC320 and declared:

"John and I have decided that the Universe is really big."

Of course, they're right - although PPARC might argue that this doesn't constitute original research. Anyway, since z=10 is about the furthest we can see, we wondered just how far away that is, in real terms. Geachy's cosmology calculator puts z=10 at about 1.6 Gpc in the fashionable cosmology. We worked out it'd take ~10^18 yrs to lazily walk that far, without accounting for toilet breaks. That certainly is a long time, especially when you consider that in that time the Universe itself could have evolved from the Big Bang to its present state 120 million times over.

So, in conclusion, the Universe *is* really, really, really bloody big. And yet amazingly four of us still have to cram into this office...

Windmill

2006-06-16T12:01:00.000Z

How does he do that, and moreover, why does he do that?

Excitement...

2006-06-15T08:37:00.000Z

Let's hope we tonk Trinidad and Tobago tonight. No team has really set the finals alight yet - if this boy plays there'll be some frightened defenders in Germany.

Yoghurt Pot Man

2006-06-12T13:53:00.000Z

I notice today that Steve "Yoghurt Pot Man" Sproats is here today putting up some more of his cosmologically inspired pieces of modern art around the ICC. I like the idea of having art around the building, but I'm amazed that the only deliberate attempt to demonstrate the awesome beauty of the cosmos (surely one of the foremost reasons for becoming an astronomer) is the green galaxy (M74?) in holographic form we have by the main ICC doors - and it's only there as a comparison for Takashi's simulation.

Why the hell don't we have some huge, full colour (false if necessary) images of the crazy stuff we study? I'd also love to see some of the great images coming out of simulated data now too, since they are a testament to progress in our understanding of how the Universe boogies to the melody of cosmological physics. I'll take this to Carlos on Wednesday, because I'd rather have a whopping image of M81 spewing H-alpha into the ISM, or a picture of some simulated large-scale structure, than some more yoghurt pots on the wall.

I'm interested to hear other people's thoughts on this one - please do comment.

Othello: Act II (Cyprus)

2006-06-06T21:43:00.000Z

Apologies for the delay, but I got there in the end! Only had one taker for "Othello in Pictures" - come on people, Jim2 and I can't do it all ourselves...

-------------------------------------------------

Act II sees Iago develop and commence the execution of his sneaky plan. The act starts with the characters arriving safely on Cyprus, and we learn that the Turkish fleet has been destroyed by storms. Othello throws a party, to celebrate the passing of the threat and also his wedding. He leaves Cassio and Iago on duty as guards, and takes Desdemona off to consumate the marriage. Wahey!

Iago discovers that Cassio is a lightweight and gets him drunk on the party wine. He then tells Roderigo to start a fight with him; the fight ends up in the guard house, where Iago is telling Montano, another Venetian nobleman, about Cassio's drunkenness. Montano restrains Cassio while Roderigo flees and alerts the party of a mutiny. Othello, disturbed from his "other business" enters to find Cassio and Montano with swords drawn.

Ever trusting of Iago, Othello asks him what has happened. Iago pretends to be loyal to Cassio, and his account cleverly implies that Cassio was at fault. Othello's attitude turns and he strips Cassio of his rank. Cassio is ashamed of his drunken behaviour, and laments his luck to Iago. Iago urges him to take his case for reinstatement to Desdemona; he can then convince Othello that Cassio and Desdemona are having an affair. Clever bugger.

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Hope that keeps you sated for now. More Shakespearean antics after my return from Nottingham.