Ultimate Dinner Party

Cliche, cliche, I know, I know. Bugger it. So - who would I invite to my ultimate dinner party? I'd love to hear Noam's views on this one too. Anyway, here goes:

1. Gordon Ramsay.


Ramsay's approach to his profession embodies everything that I want to, but alas cannot, bring to my own. He's utterly committed and fantastically skilled - and expects everyone around him to be the same. I'd love to be in that position but lack the drive and talent. I can swear as well as he can, mind. I just hope he wouldn't berate my sausage pie.

2. Richard Farleigh


From BBC2's awesome "Dragon's Den", Farleigh is a businessman with talent like Gordon Ramsay's, a similar ruthlessness in his operation, yet he's also a bloody nice guy. Even when facing utter morons, he politely declines to invest rather than taking Theo Paphitis' approach - rant like a mindless autocrat. I think Richard would win extra brownie points by bringing a fine bottle of port.

3. Terry Wogan


Wogan makes me feel happpy about the world, which is perhaps the most important quality anyone can possess. For years, I merrily faced cold mornings thanks to Tel's cheery banter on Radio2. His wit is scandalously underrated, and he would be the joker at the table, I'm sure. Although if he pulls out a bucket full of change for Children In Need, I'll deny him pudding. There's a time and a place, Tel...

4. Jeremy Paxman


For the serious table chat, Jeremy would be the centre of attention. I love Paxman because, like Ramsay, he's the ultimate professional and doesn't suffer fools gladly. I bet he has some great banter about political scandals. I'd have to be on my toes though - one intellectual error and I'd be toast.

5. Vice-Admiral Horatio Nelson, 1st Viscount Nelson, KB


Time to bring out my big gun. Nelson, Britain's - nay, the world's - greatest hero, would be honoured with the seat at the head of my table (not that there's much room around it). I'd probably spend most of the night chatting to Nelson about his days in the navy - not that he'd want to discuss tactics: "go straight for 'em". I'd also ensure that the condiments were kept at the other end of the table, so he'd need to "trouble you for the salt". I'd need to discover what's in grog before the party - I wouldn't want a mutiny on my hands.

6. Jane Seymour


Eek, not much gender balancing - I'll try to rectify it. Jane would not doubt provide interesting chat about Roger Moore's ways, and her days on "Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman". Interesting that previous Bond, Sean Connery, played the "Medicine Man" in the film of the same name. Anyway, I fancy Jane so she might be ideal for drawing my attention away from Nelson.

7. Bill Murray


Oh how Bill and I could natter - what was it like to film Ghostbusters, has he seen Scarlett Johansson's bottom, etc, etc? I'd be worried what'd happen if he and Wogan got carried away, but it'd be worth it. If I ate my dinner too quickly, I'm sure he'd say to "chew your food".

8. P.J.E. Peebles


So, I had to have an astronomer in there (although I think he calls himself a theoretical physicist - fair play, he's done it all). Jim Peebles is the nicest guy you might ever wish to meet. Humble as pie, sharp as a razor, I treasure the half-hour chat that Nic Ross and I enjoyed with him in Durham Castle as the highlight of my scientific enlightenment. I think he'd quietly steal the show at the party, guiding everyone's attention to the ultimate question mankind currently faces: "what -is- lambda?" I'd give my right arm to work for him.

So - that's far more people than can fit in my kitchen, so I'd better stop there. I'm eager to know who everyone else would have round for tea, and what people think of my choices. Do tell!