Two astronomers. Separated by only 22 degrees, 58 minutes of latitude, 33 degrees, 29 minutes of longitude, yet seemingly worlds apart. Their common goal: figure out the very nature of the Universe and its womenfolk.

Monday, April 10, 2006

What's the story with that chocalate egg laying easter bunny?

I've always asked myself, how does a rabbit laying choclate eggs fit into the whole Jesus (as Christ) resurection story that we are told by St. Paul. Lets not forget that St. Paul, a man of great correspondance whose letters to the first century christian churches of Rome, Byzantium, and Corinth shaped chirstianity permenantly, never actually met Jesus. In fact the only evidende of him meeting any of the original apostles (i.e. the students of Jesus) is in the Book of Galatians where he meets Peter and James. So how did this guy, who never actually met Jesus, not only write the first records of early christainity - his Letters (c.a. 30 CE) were written before the gospels (the earliest of which is believed to be Matthew written in c.a. 70 CE) - but also change the purpose of Jesus from "Jesus king of the Jews" to a much more (gentile encompassing) "Jesus Christ, Messiah and redeemer of mankind"? Not only that but where does the egg laying rabbit fit in?

As Jesus lay on the cross, his human body in agony, his life was being taken from him. However he did not become Christ until he was resurected days later: while on earth he was human. In the mean time between his crucifixtion and his resurection, where was his soul? Had it ascended to heaven to be with god? Or, was it - as the gospel according to St. Cadburious would have us believe - instead burried in the earth much closer to the humanity he was to redeem. We have evidence that although cocoa was not discovered until CHRISTopher columbus (coincidence in the name?) found the New World in 1492, it may have been one of the three gifts given to Mary at his birth (what is myrrh anyways? some scholars believe this is a mis-translation from the greek "marsios barsios" meaning "mars bars"). Thus after jesus' crucifixtion, his soul is burried in the ground as chocolate. After his death, his early chirstian followers went searching for jesus: for since they believed him to be the messiah (and thus immortal), the fact that he was crucified ran contrary to his purpose, namely he who would usher in the final judgment. Similar to their modern day counterparts, these early catholics did not believe in contraception: hence the association with bunny rabbits. Once they found and unearthed the chocolate egg of jesus soul, one of these early christians suggested making an omlete with the egg. As St. Cadburious himself cracked the egg, jesus was born again - ressurected if you will - and his spirit ascended to heaven to assume its rightful position next to God, Mary, and Naomi Campbell (also made out of chocolate). The modern day fairy tale that the early catholics are "laying" (rather than "searching for") the chocolate egg of Jesus' soul, is simply an anti-christian invention made up to discredit the true story of the resurection of Jesus' soul.

DISCLAIMER: The "chocolate egg jesus" interpretation as related to me by the apocryphal Gospel according to St Cadburious, is not meant to insult, offend, slur, upset, or do ill will to anyone. This satirical interpretation intends no harm to christians or rabbits.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cool blog, interesting information... Keep it UP » »

9:00 PM


Post a Comment

<< Home